s ranked kittens
by poisonlovely
Summary: oh, my. the akatsuki have "poofed" into my world as kittens... and they're rather annoyed. Aw, snap... this can't be good... Let's hope the tooth fairy and chuck norris can help me... CRACK. T for Hidan. ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1

**Bonjour! Hola! Tungjatjeta! Allo! Hallo! Salam! Wayumbe! Mwapoleni mukwai! Nomoskaar! Ciao! Konnichiwa! Hello! I'm back, this time with an awesome Naruto fanfic OF DOOM. That's right, OF DOOM. It is about a character called Abby- hold it. I just realized I use Abby WAYYYY too much as a name... meh. I think it's a fantabulous, insanely awesome name, so meh. But her name is Abby Murdock. And she's cool. And the Akatsuki is involved.**

**Just for some notes: THIS IS CRACK. I love crack. It's not supposed to make too much sense, and the plots don't have to be complicated.**

**SOME IDEAS HAVE BEEN STOLEN! I know, I know. DUN DUN DUN! But, Kitteh Kurse by AbbyLovesDeidara (my eyes were like O.O when I read your username… meh. I loved your story!) and The Kimiko Chronicles by DeafeningSilence… um… I'm sorry, I'm too lazy to come up with your username… but these were my main inspirations. Not to mention the awesome story 6 Inches Tall by gir-partner-in-crime. BWAHAHAHA, those were all awesome fics, so I stole-ded ideas. But most of this is mine. But the first chapter ish a big mix of ideas… I stole some lines too… does this make me a bad person?**

**THERE WILL BE CURSING! In my other stories, there is, like, no cursing. But in this one, I will let my inner Jiraiya/Hidan out. Oh yes, pervertedness and f-bombs. * sweatdrop ***

…**I'll probably address other questions later… meh… well, here is my story: "S-RANKED KITTENS"! Read and review, pretty please!**

**CHAPTER ONE: And THIS Is Why I Don't Like Kittens!**

"Fear the pumpkin king! La, la, la, la la la, la, la!" I sang, bouncing in my black hoodie.

Amber rolled her eyes at me and continued walking. My other friend Ella started singing the "Pumpkin King Song" (from "This Is Halloween" by Marilyn Manson) with me. My twin was… where the hell was she? Damn it! Meh.

"Anybody seen Kar?" Ella asked, stopping her worship of the Pumpkin King.

"Nope." Amber popped the "p".

"I didn't see her, either. Meh." I shrugged, starting to pull out my iPod so I could listen to Evanescence. Man, I had a serious addiction to those guys. I LOVE Amy Lee and Will and Will and John and Terry! I was paused by a sudden scream,

"WAIT UP!" Karin sprinted up to us, panting. No, before you ask, she is NOT Karin, like red-head annoying bitch Karin in Naruto. She's my twin sister brunette annoying bitch Karin. Big difference, people! She also hates Sasuke. We all hate Sasuke. Idiot.

"Where were you?" I half-yelled.

"Um… I'm not exactly sure. I was in between a locker and a potted plant watching Mrs. Bracken running errands."

We all face-palmed.

"At least it's not as bad as the time as Abby was Carmelldansing and evil laughing in the Lower School!" Karin defended herself.

Amber nodded, twisting a strand of brown hair around her finger,"She has a point."

"Hey!"

"Well, see you guys!" Ella chirped happily, running to her car. Amber nodded, and walked off. She was a quiet one. Evil, and could be loud, but quiet.

Karin and I walked the rest of the way home in silence, because I had plugged in my earphones and was basking in the glory of Evanescence's "Lithium". It was Halloween, that day. And that was the day that our lives changed forever.

"TRICK OR TREAT!"

Oh yes. It was definitely Halloween. You got to dress up as whatever you wanted, and begged adults for candy. I freakin' loved this holiday! I, of course, was in my full Akatsuki uniform (well, technically. I had the ring, the hat, the cloak, and fishnets. I just wore a black, form fitting t-shirt and jeans underneath). It was epic. I had Orochimaru's ring. Void. I mean, Void! Who wouldn't want a ring that said "Void"?

My parents were making me give kids candy, which wasn't an entirely bad job because I could steal as much candy as I wanted. And scare them by blasting "This Is Halloween". I loved that song so much.

The doorbell rang again.

"IMMA COMING!" I yelled. Meh. Stupid little children stealing my candy.

I opened the door, iPod ready… only to see a box. Eh?

Taking off my hat, I picked up the little note on the basket. "TREAT WITH CARE (DO NOT TRICK)." That was odd… Hmph.

I picked up the box and opened it. Inside were the ten most adorable kittens anyone had EVER seen. I gasped. They were also the most oddly colored kittens anyone had EVER seen. I got the feeling that the bright blue one with the white ear was a female. Female intuition. OH.

Another one was grey-ish blue with black bars on his cheeks. The one currently climbing up my jean's leg was black with an orange face. One of the most adorable ones was black with red… no black… okayy… changing eyes, and one with red fur and lazy looking brown eyes. Another had very fluffy, very yellow fur with blue eyes. The one who seemed to almost be the leader had orange fur and markings that looked like… piercings? Alarm bells went off in my head. I grinned at the pretty sound. One was black and white, and the last two was one with silver fur and purple eyes, and one tan furred kitten with black spots like stitches.

I scooped up the one attempting to climb me and petted his ears,"Aww…"

That's when the impossible happened. The kitten spoke.

"Tobi is a good boy! Why is girl-chan dressed like us?"

Surprisingly, I didn't scream. I just started cursing like hell,"Holy shit! WTF! Am I going fucking insane?"

"Girl-chan shouldn't curse so much!"

"Yes, yes, I am." I muttered.

"ABBY! DON'T CURSE!"

I glared and shot a rude hand sign at Karin's general direction. This sent a mew of laughter, I guess, through the kittens.

"What's your name, again?" I asked the kitten.

"I'm Tobi!"

the rest of the kittens started meowing. They looked confused and meowed again.

"Um… are you guys trying to talk?"

"Yes, girl-chan! They're trying to talk!" 

I stared at him and randomly made a wish in my mind, _I wish these kittens could talk._

"-UCK YOU, KAKUZU!"

"Hi?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Wha- what the fuck are you doing you fucking bitch?"

I glared at the tiny kitten form of Hidan,"I'm not doing anything, you annoying Jashinist bastard!"

"Tell us where we are little girl." Pein demanded, giving me the best glare he could. I almost laughed at the adorable chibi-ness effect.

"Let's get some rules in place, mon capitane." I prided myself at the annoyed look that I was speaking in an unknown language to him and sounding like Q from Star Trek. Man, I loved Q,"My name is ABBY, not girl-chan, bitch, although I do agree that I can be one, and not little girl. I'M NOT SHORT, I'M FUNSIZED! Two, don't cuss too loudly. They might think it's me and then I get in trouble. Three, no injuring me or my friends or family."

"You dare-"

"Yes, Leader-sama, she dares because you're a kitten. You're not even a tenth of her size." Itachi flattened his ears.

"Thank you Itachi." I muttered, stroking Tobi's head absently. He purred.

The black kitten nodded,"Well, Abby-san, can you tell us where we are, please?"

It was all nice. Even with a "please" and a –san. "Get in the box, please, I'll tell you guys when you get to my room."

Everyone minus Tobi, who hid in my cloak, got into the box. I carried them to my room. My room, to put it frankly, was awesome.

It had an alcove-y thing where the head and about three feet of my bed was hidden, and it was also painted a pretty shade of blue. The other walls were a light honey-beige color. My brown chaise lounge was about six inches from my bed on the other side of the wall, with a decorative pillow, a deep blue fluffy body pillow, and some random blankets, notebooks and pens strewn over it. On the wall it was going down on, at the foot of the chaise lounge was a large basket full of blankets, stuffed animals, and more notebooks and books. Next to that was a bookcase full with books, messily stacked. On the next wall was my two dressers, separated by a window. Between the first dresser and the bookshelf (on the diagonal angle) was an orange pillow with a radio/mp3/CD player/alarm clock. It had my "The Open Door" (Evanescence), "Fallen" (Evanescence again) and Nightmare Revisited (Nightmare before Christmas soundtrack) CDs there. One light blue and one darker blue pillow were also there. A crosswords book and a black journal were there, more pencils and pens strewn out. Squished between the dresser and the bookcase was another basket full of binders and some random crap, and a blue, not-fuzzy body pillow. Moving to the other side of the room, past the other dresser was another bookcase, this one full up with blue bins of notebooks, journals, and papers. Not to mention writing utensils. There was yet another basket of blankets, scarves and randomness there. My trombone and guitar lay innocently on that wall. The wall next to that was my closet (complete with it's emo corner). You then came to my door, with a nightstand that served as another bookcase for my magazines (writing, cooking, and marine life), papers, folders of writing crap, electronic stuff, manga and journals. The floor was carpeted by a plush dark blue carpet.

Oh yeah. My room was friggin' awesome. If you ignored some of the more random t-shirts, jeans and skirts and pens and half finished stories and sketches lying around.

I set the box down, letting the kittens spring out onto my bed.

"Well?" Itachi demanded.

"You guys are in the USA. United States of America."

"Is that in the Fire Country, un?" kitten Deidara asked. He was truly adorable.

"Nope. You're just manga slash anime characters here, guys. In a different world."

All the cursing and yelling made me roll my eyes,"Okay. Imma go to sleep. I'm tired, and we can talk in the morning."

The Akatsuki apparently agreed with me on being tired, as most of them (minus Konan, Pein and Tobi, who lay on a pillow I set out for them on my bed) jumped onto my chaise lounge to fall asleep. I soon joined them.

**And that's the first chapter! Read and Review, please! I need at least two reviews for a fast update! (within four days!)**


	2. Chapter 2

**YAY! I got two reviews! YAYZ! Go Katarina Wolffe and habu hyuuga! w00t! For those of you who live near me, THERE'S A BIG THUNDERSTORM! AND IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! YAYZ! **

**Anyways… yeah. Here's the next chapter!**

Yawning, I opened my eyes, feeling rather tired. The Akatsuki were all still asleep (I assumed, because I hadn't been poked at yet), and it was rather early on a nice Saturday weekend. Well, it was nice until I heard a strangled mew,

"Um… Abby-san? A little help here?" It was Kisame, with my cat Artemis hissing quietly at him. I let out a little giggle. It was just so hilarious: an S-ranked criminal cowering in fear at the sight of my twelve pound black cat. Never mind the fact said S-ranked criminal was a five pound kitten.

"Te, te, te!" I clicked to my cat,"Arty!" she let one last hiss out and then jumped over to me. I heard a muted kitten gasp as she jumped over Konan. "Sorry, Konan-sama." I said apologetically.

Konan scrambled upright,"It's fine."

"Well, it's time for some introductions, eh?" I said.

"But you know-"

"I meant, I need to introduce you to my cat. Artemis, this is Konan-sama, Pein-sama, Tobi-kun, and Kisame-san. You four, vice versa." I smiled proudly.

"Abby, you need to tell us how we got here, if we're made up in this world." Pein said urgently.

I shrugged,"I dunno. Do you remember the last person you saw?"

There was a hiss from Artemis as a certain red-furred kitten leapt up onto the bed,"I remember Orochimaru."

"Ohayo, Sasori-san! Thankies. So, my guess is that you did something to piss off Orochimaru, and he figured out a time space jutsu and sent you guys here. Something either mutated, or he slipped something into it that made you kittens, and voila!" I waved my arms around.

There was silence, until Pein spoke up.

"That seems too simple. Did you wish us here or something?"

"Nope. You appeared. I wished that you guys could talk, though. It's so cool, actually, having the Akatsuki here! It's like in Fanfictions, and-"

"Fanfictions?" they asked (minus Tobi, who was under the bed at this point.).

"Never mind. But it's cool having my favorite characters come to life!"

"We're your favorite characters?"

"Hell yeah! The goods are just too…"

"Good?" Konan suggested, smirking as much as a kitten can smirk.

"Yeah, that's it! The evil people are always cooler!"

There was a thud,"OW, UN!"

"DeiDei's up!" I almost yelled happily.

Sasori snorted,"DeiDei?"

"Yah. Deidara's too hard to say for a lazy person like me."

"Ab? What are you doing up so early?"

"SCATTER!" I whispered fiercely,"Begin evasive maneuvers, hide under bed is target!"

The Akatsuki scattered, the asleep ones dragged under my bed in a flash.

"Noooothing." I said innocently.

"Really?" Karin leaned against my door.

"Yes, sister dearest."

"Really?"

"Yes." 

"Really?"

"Oui."

"Really?"

"Si."

"Really?"

"Hai."

"Really?"

"Hai, o-nee-chan."

"Really?"

"Hai, aneki!"

"Really?"

"For the love of Kami, YES!"

"Rea-" 

"FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING KAMI YES NOW GET OUT OF MY ROOM AND STOP BUGGING ME!"

Karin smirked and walked out. I growled and looked back at the Akatsuki who were staring at me warily from under my bed.

I shrugged.

They crawled back up onto the bed. Tobi leapt into my lap and started purring. I petted his tiny head. Kakuzu snorted.

I grinned,"What were we talking about?"

**Sorry for the teeny length, but I lost inspiration. One review, and you'll get another chapter really early!**


	3. Chapter 3

**YAY! I finally update! Whoops… I forgotted to… meh.**

**To my lovely lovely reviewers: THANKIES! REVIEW MORE! : )**

**habu hyuuga: *whistles innocently * I didn't swear… really… ignore it… : )**

**Katarina Wolffe: CORRECT! You win a piece of virtual chocolate! Pass Go! Collect 200 dollars… err, ryo. Yeah, I didn't get around to updating, so I left it and just said it was my birthday in my AN. Yah.**

**Angelfang: Your review said KKKKYYYYAAAAA! (Yes, I copied and pasted that). I'm assuming that's a good thing? : )**

**deixsaso: Thanks! Merci! I updated!**

**night dae: Meh. I just have a bunch of funny things to do with Karin later… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And don't make Tobi kitten attack me… please… I can deal with Madara, but not Tobi…**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto (yet. BWAHAHAHA!) and any songs I may put into this are also their artists'. Yup.**

**This chapter brought to you by Three Days Grace, Evanescence, and KankuRaiku!**

**ANYWAYS! Here is the next chapter! I hope you like it!**

The Akatsuki all facepalmed. I shrugged and pulled on my epic sweater/shawl thing. It was dark grey, and it came down to the top of my thighs in the front and to about my knees in the back with fringe. The sleeves were too big, coming up to my first knuckles even folded back. I shivered despite the warmth of the wool; it was cold out!

"Why are you so cold, bitch? You have goosebumps on your neck." Hidan pointed out.

I stared at him oddly,"Why are you staring at my neck? Are you, like, a vampire or something?"

"…" silence.

"Right. Um… soo… I don't have school, 'cause it's the weekend, but you're going to have to meet my sister and some other people later."

"Well, Abby, you need to figure out how to send us back to our world and make us normal." Pein pointed out.

I shrugged again,"Meh. I'm guessing it's water or something… that's what it is in most crap. But… there's the issue. I'm doubting you people are wearing clothes if I manage to transform you back. I'm only sixteen! I don't need to be mentally scarred by a bunch of fully grown men…." I winced and scrubbed at my eyes to get rid of the mental images.

Konan looked at me sympathetically,"I would help you, but for obvious reasons…" she trailed off, glaring at a perverted looking Hidan.

I laughed at Sasori clawing Deidara who apparently was doing the same but chuckling. And then genius hit me. "EUREKA!"

There was a hiss from the kittens closest to me. Itachi, Pein and Sasori just glared.

"Sorry… um, I had a genius moment! Brilliant, I say, BRILLIANCE! I can take Konan-sama into my bathroom, change her back into her human form, and then we can see if you guys need clothes or no! If it's just two girls it's not as awkward!" I grinned at my logic.

"Konan, do you mind?" Pein asked. Konan's tail twitched in what I guess was a shrug.

"Okay then! I'm just going to bring some of my clothes into the bathroom and hope that they somewhat fit!" Konan wove in and out of my legs as I picked up some of my more baggy clothes and we went our jolly way into the washroom.

- - THE AKATSUKI

"Leader-sama, do you think she's trustworthy? She knows so much about us." Itachi hissed immediately after we left.

The ginger kitten narrowed his eyes,"I am not quite sure. She seems harmless, but you never know. I believe Konan thinks well of her, and she seems respectful as well. Not to mention, she's going to transform us back."

Sasori cut in,"I believe she is trustworthy for the moment. I would be cautious, though."

"I don't like that fucking bitch!"

"Shut up, Hidan!"

"Abby-san seems innocent enough we shouldn't have to worry."

"But she could ruin us with the information she knows!" Kakuzu mewed.

"Silence!" Pein yowled.

The blonde kitten rolled his eyes,"Leader-sama, un, I think that we're overreacting. She may know a lot about us, but I don't think she can ruin us, un. She seems to like us, yeah."

"Hn." Itachi said.

"Tobi likes Abby-chan!"

"Shut it, Tobi, un!"

"Everyone! We will trust the girl until she proves to be untrustworthy." Pein said, finishing all discussion.

That's when there was a little cough from the back.

- -Back with Me.

"So, Konan-sama-"

"You can call me Konan, Abby-san."

I blinked at the blue-furred kitten,"…okay then. Konan, I think our fittings for clothing should be about the same, but we might have to buy some more clothes for you…"

Konan nodded. I put down the clothes and started running the bath at a few inches of warm water,"Tell me if it's too warm."

Konan dipped a paw in the water experimentally,"No, it's fine." she leapt right in.

We waited. Nothing happened. I sighed,"Damn." and started to reach for her, but she made a little gasp. I stopped, and watched fascinatedly as her fur melted off her body and she became a human.

…Only to stop growing at all of nine inches. Konan looked down at herself and sighed,"Damn."

We looked at each other,"Damn." and then burst out a bit of giggles or smirking in Konan's case.

"At least you're clothed." I said after giggling. She was clad in fishnets, short shorts, and a halter-top that was somewhat like Ino's except Akatsuki-print, and a pair of ninja shoes.

She shrugged,"And am in a somewhat human form."

I helped her out of the tub (for some reason she became dry) and I put her on my shoulder,"You can probably hold onto my hair or something, unless you want me to carry you everywhere."

I heard a little,"Hai." from her. I went carefully down the stairs, both to avoid falling on my face and possibly injuring Konan, and also to make sure Karin didn't come.

I skipped the toast and went straight to my candy. Konan snorted at my food choice, but took the chunk of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups I gave her.

"Mmm! We don't have these in my world." she said after nibbling a chunk.

I smiled at her,"I could probably make toa- hey, you're growing!" Sure enough, the blue-haired woman started growing again. I placed her on the floor. She grew to her apparent normal size, which was much taller than me. Meh. Why was everyone taller than me? It wasn't fair.

"Ah, that feels better." Konan said quietly, examining herself. Her clothes had grown with her.

"Yay! Konan's normal! You have really awesome hair, you know!" I said excitedly. I always loved Konan's blue hair.

"Arigatou." she said, smiling slightly.

I bounced into the kitchen and started making some toast. I buttered it when it was done and gave it to Konan.

"We should probably re-grow the rest of the Akatsuki." I said, tapping my cheek.

She nodded between bites.

- AKATSUKI

We carefully snuck back upstairs like the ninja Konan was and the epicness I was, and back to the Akatsuki.

My cat was currently talking to the Akatsuki normally.

"HOLY CRAP, ARTY YOU CAN TALK!" I yelled, pointing dramatically.

The black cat rolled her eyes,"Yeah, Abby, I can talk. You wished, remember?"

"But I only wished that these- ohhh… okay!"

"I don't even want to know the assumption you made…"

"Meh. But we can obviously change you back! Yayz!" I said, bouncing.

Konan smirked and scooped up Tobi, Pein (who looked slightly annoyed at this), Itachi and Sasori. I picked up the rest. Hidan clawed my arm,"PUT ME DOWN YOU- meep!"

My cat hissed at him, and I scruffed him, and he shut up. I smirked. Deidara sat on my head, Kakuzu just lay in my arm, Hidan was hanging from my hand, and Kisame was on my other arm.

We carried them into the bathroom, and started the water again. I put all of them in, and-

**CLIFFHANGER! Dun dun dun… man, I'm so evil. : ) There's a reason Akatsuki loves me. Heh.**

**Well, review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi guys! It's me again! Yes, I am updating! By the way, if you like OC stories, there's one I'm part of called "Being Ninja Or Not" by Sisterhood of Traveling Kunai, and we would love reviews! I think I have the pen name under my favorite authors. Thanks and many kudos to those of you who will take the time to look at it! We also have 101 Ways to annoy Hatake Kakashi and a band-fic for Being Ninja.**

**Anywho, back to this story! **

**earth angel 16: Yeah, don't we all want the Akatsuki as pets? : )**

**Ninja-Cookie-monster- Wow, I like your pen name! Glad to see you like it!**

**night dae: Thankies! You and deixsaso and KatarinaWolffe review the most! Kudos! And YOU WILL NEVER STEAL MY EVANESCENCE AWAY FROM ME! NEVER!**

**deixsaso: Yay! I'm updating!**

**And onto the next chapter! **

-and they started growing again!

Konan and I took a quick step back, and they grew into chibi form. I grinned in delight at the adorableness and the fact that I HAD THE AKATSUKI AS CHIBIS.

I HAD THE AKATSUKI AS CHIBIS. *squee * I did an internal dance, but kept an amazing external poker face. Hey, I was awesome at Poker! But I hated Lady Gaga… Hn.

"**We're back in our somewhat normal form! **Thank Kami…" Zetsu said, jumping out of the bathtub.

"When I get to my fucking full-sized form I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch, for scruffing me!" Hidan said, shaking his fist at me.

The rest of the Akatsuki either Hn-ed, or grinned looking down at themselves.

"Why are we not humans?" Itachi demanded. I glared at him,

"You are humans! You're just chibis." I said, intensifying the glare as his own eyes narrowed.

"Itachi. Abby." Konan warned. I sighed, and scooped the Akatsuki out of the tub with a towel, jostling Hidan a little more than needed. He cursed at me, making me grin.

We walked downstairs and I set them onto the table where Konan and I had been eating breakfast.

"Do you have any food, un?" Deidara asked, rather respectfully.

"Yup. I can make toast, but you must first eat…" I set out a chunk of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in front of them with a flourish. "Part of these."

They all sort of stared at the candy until Kakuzu shrugged and took a bite. I watched and Konan put him on the floor when he grew. Pein was the next one to transform. Next was Sasori, then it was Deidara, then Tobi, who glomped me, and then Itachi and then Kisame and then Zetsu. I just managed to steal Hidan's candy.

"WHAT THE FUCK, BITCH! I NEED THAT TO GROW BACK TO NORMAL!"

"I don't trust you." I said, blue eyes narrowing slightly. I heard a quiet chuckle from Kisame.

"YOU TRUST THE FUCKING UCHIHA AND THE LEADER AND THE JASHIN DAMNED TERRORIST BOMBER BUT YOU DON'T TRUST ME?" Hidan yelled. I winced at the volume and was quick to shut him up, because I didn't want Karin coming down and finding out about this. It would be too annoying. Actually , it would be troublesome, to steal Shikamaru's word. Mendokuse.

"Yup," I let out a smile.

"WHY?"

I raised a finger to look all smart and logical,"Because you have been cursing at me, and are the only one who has given me death threats. To further emphasize my point, I know things about you people that even your partners probably don't know, so I can decide who I am probably safe with."

"Itachi is a pacifist, so as long as I don't give him a reason to kill or maim me, and Leader-sama doesn't order him to, I probably won't die or be injured too badly. Deidara, you overreact too much and are hot-headed, but we both like art, and you're one of my more favorite characters in general, which probably just went straight to your ego, so I have a feeling you won't blow me up. Sasori, as long as I'm on time and not too annoying, I think I have a pretty good chance, just to say, you're also one of my other favorite-est characters, Konan, well, I've survived this long, and-"

"I won't kill or hurt you, Abby, if I have any choice in the matter." Konan said softly, putting her hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks!" I smiled at her, because hell, that seriously helped me." There you are, for Konan. Kakuzu, I have a bad feeling that I'm going to have to work on my spending habits a lot before we become acquaintances, but as long as I don't get you into a homicidal rage, I should be fine, Kisame, I enjoy lightening up emo-ish people or stoics, and I think that Samehada is freakin' awesome, so we should probably be friends, Tobi is friends with everyone," I smirked ever so slightly at the slight eyetwitch Pein had when he noticed the teeny tiny emphasis I put on "Tobi".

"And Leader-sama, you probably will need me to get back to your world. Also, Itachi, Konan, Leader-sama and everyone else have actually been polite. So, I think that I have a fairly good chance of surviving your petty death threats, despite the fact that I have, what, eight other S-ranked criminals in the house and I have all of no ninja training." I folded my arms across my chest, please with my logic.

Sasori was the first to react,"She had pretty good logic."

"Hai." Itachi agreed, staring at me slightly oddly. Haha, didn't expect me to know you were a pacifist, didya, Sharingan-Boy?

Hidan glared at them,"Shut the fuck up! Fine, if you know so fucking much about us, what's my Jashin-damned birthday?"

I grinned and answered promptly,"April second, and your favorite food is spare ribs. Also, your hobby is being an active Jashinist and Jashinist is also your favorite word. You hate vegetables. Your blood type is B."

Silence.

I laughed quietly.

"HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ALL OF THAT?"

"Heh. I ain't telling yet." I stuck my tongue out at him, but gave him the candy.

"What's my birthday and two other pieces of information?" Pein asked.

I closed my eyes. Pein was one of the harder ones, even for a hardcore otaku like me,"Uuuuummmm…. chu… chu… chu…" I made quiet train noises by blowing a little air through my lips and teeth,"Um, gimme a sec… OH! Right, September nineteenth! You have every single chakra release type, including yin, yang and yin and yang, and your favorite food is grilled fish and stew. I could say more, but I don't think you'd want me spewing facts about back then right now…" I said, sweatdropping slightly, looking at Tobi and also at Konan.

Pein's eyes narrowed slightly, understanding where I was getting at, but he nodded,"Correct."

"See?" I said, managing to shove Deidara over from my couch so I could sit.

"Hey, un!" the blonde glared.

"It's my couch." I said, lounging.

"Well, I haven't gotten any food yet, un!"

"Well, you are being rude. I haven't even gotten a "Can you please give us food, Abby?". Seriously, you'd think you guys would know how to use a toaster." I grumbled.

"We do!" Kisame defended them.

"Then go use it. Bread's on the counter, butter and cream cheese and jelly's on the fridge." I said, closing my eyes.

"Are you sleeping?" 

"Nope. I'm dozing."

I heard multiple sighs and couldn't believe that Karin hadn't come down yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Yay to my reviewers! I love you guys to pieces! **

**But this brings me to the matter of reviewing. I can see you all… I got over 150 hits, and about four reviews. This makes me sad. Can't you just put in a quick "I like it!" ? Please? Reviews make me happy! I'll be emo if I don't get new reviewers! Well, I could never be emo, but you got the point! I also got a lot of this from another fanfic.**

**AND ONTO THE STORY!  
**

I closed my eyes and fell asleep while the Akatsuki cooked themselves food in my kitchen. Completely normal. Sighing, I used my epicness to catch Tobi's hand before he poked my face. Oh yeah. Take that Madara.

"How did Abby-chan do that?" he yelled.

"Skillz, kid, skillz." I smirked, opening one eye. Man, I was epic.

"It was cool! Abby-chan should be a ninja!" Tobi yelled.

"I should be." I agreed sleepily, tucking my feet under me. I felt a weight on my lap and my cat came purring onto me. I heard muffled swearing and assumed that she'd scratched Hidan.

As if to make sure that I knew of this, Artemis mewed quietly,"I scratched the tall silver-haired psycho one's leg. He was trying to cut the blonde one with a butcher knife."

"DON'T HURT DEIDARA, HIDAN!" I yelled.

"HOW THE FUCKING HELL DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU STUPID BITCH?" was my answer.

"I HAVE EYES EVERYWHERE YOU FUCKING STRIPPER PRIEST!" I yelled back, forgetting about Karin.

Silence. A choked laugh from at least four people.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?" Hidan shrieked, stomping into the room.

I grinned at him,"I called you a stripper priest. You are one, honey. You don't wear a shirt, and you're constantly blabbering on about Jashin. Stripper. Priest. But, you must be an ancient stripper priest, with that silver hair. How 'bout you put on a damn shirt on? Seriously, dude, it's common fucking courtesy to put on a shirt when you get to your age. Ya know, to cover up the liver spots and shit." I stood up and started staring squintily at Hidan's bare chest. I noted with glee that his face was turning purple from suppressed rage. Biting my lip, I balanced the straw that would break the camel's (or Jashinist's) back,"Ooh, does anyone have a pen for connect-the-liver-spots? I can already see a formation of a bunny!"

"ROAR!"

I looked up at him with a straight face,"Did you actually just scream "Roar"? Haha, that's hilarious!" I gave him my cross-eyed goofy smile.

"IMMA KILL YOU, YOU LITTLE FUCKING BITCH!" he yelled, running at me with his hands outstretched.

"Aw, snap!" I dodged and fled behind Itachi, hoping the Uchiha would take pity. He stood there. I ignored Deidara, Konan, Kakuzu and Kisame who were in hysterics on the floor behind us.

"When I get my scythe, you are- AHA! THERE'S MY SCYTHE!" Hidan picked it up, twirling it menacingly.

Now, most normal people would be running and screaming by now. I, of course, am insane, and hiding behind Uchiha Itachi. So, I, of course, make a comment.

"Wow, you didn't notice your scythe was right there? That's kinda stupid, Mister Ancient Stripper Priest."

"I will cut out your fucking tongue and sacrifice you to Jashin-sama, you little bitch!"

I leaned from around Itachi and stuck out my tongue at the enraged Hidan,"Nope, I like my tongue, thanks. Wow, you talk big, and that's a serious big-ass scythe. Hey, Itachi, think he's compensating for something?"

Even the stoic Uchiha had to smile slightly at that one.

"You bitch! The size of my p-"

"HIDAN! Do not talk so vulgarly." Kakuzu yelled. Hidan glared.

"Ha ha, got told off!" I laughed at him.

"The bitch insulted me! She must die!"

"You heard him, guys! He's gotta die!"

Silence. More laughter. God, I should be a stand up comedian. It still took Hidan a few moments to figure it out, but then-

"You bitch! You did not just call me a bitch!" Hidan bellowed.

"Nope, I merely implied it! Kudos for the stripper priest for figuring it out!" I clapped for him.

"I'M GOING TO-"

"Um, Abby?" Karin asked.

My eyes widened. Crap.

"Why are there kittens all over the kitchen? Also, why are you clutching at air and why is the toast burning?"

Oh. My. Fucking. Jashin. I DIDN'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN!

"And why is there a scythe on the ground?"

I picked up the scythe rather gingerly, ignoring the hissing from Hidan-kitten. Hiding it somewhere randomly, I popped the toast out of the toaster. Luckily it was only partially burnt. Deidara-kitten opened his mouth, but there was only a mew. He leapt over to the butter and nosed it. "I got it." I muttered to him, and spread some butter on the toast. Kisame jumped onto the counter, nosing at the butter again. I spread another piece of toast with butter.

Karin reached over to grab a piece of toast, but I whacked her knuckles with the butter knife,"Bad Kar! This is for the kittens!"

"Kittens eat toast?" she asked, staring.

"Yup!"

"Okay then!" she looked down and I gasped internally. Crap. She LOVED Tobi. Like, was a Madara- fangirl And Tobi-kitten was at her legs.

"Aw, this kitten looks like Tobi!"

I went into a complete coughing fit that sent every kitten staring at me oddly. Especially Pein and Tobi.

"Mrrup!" Tobi mewed in her arms. Karin melted and started to squeal quietly. I glared.

"What's the fucking bitch's sister's problem?" Hidan meowed. Karin raised an eyebrow.

Crap.

"I don't know, she seems to like Tobi." Sasori meowed back.

I went into deluxe coughing fits of "Shut the hell up!". Konan pawed at my leg, her amber eyes rather concerned for my breathing quality.

"Aww, he has sticky peanut butter on him! I'm going to give him a bath!"

OOONG.

I started turning blue and choking from my prolonged coughing fit. "NO! DON'T DO IT!" I finally managed to yell, still coughing.

"What's your probl- HEY! Gimme back the Tobi kitten!" Karin yelled as I pulled Tobi out of her arms.

"NOOOOOOOO! You can't!" I shrieked, airway back to normal. I heard a sigh from Konan.

"YES, I WILL!" she ripped Tobi out of my grip.

"NOOO!" I grabbed him back.

Kakuzu and Zetsu's heads went back and forth at the game of tug of war. Pein was kitten-face-palming. Sasori and Itachi were smirking, and Konan was still obviously worried, as my coughing started again.

"Hey, bitch!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!" Karin yelled. YANK.

"I didn't! He did!" I yelled back. PULL.

"…he?"

"Um… RETREAT!" I somehow managed to scoop up all the kittens, and the toast and sprinted up to my room, dumping them all inside with the toast. Karin came thundering after me. I stood with my arms spread wide, blocking the door,"You are not allowed in."

"…" she looked at me as I felt around for the doorknob behind me, and entered the room backward. I stepped on something soft, and then

"MRAWR!"

"Oh my Jashin! Sorry, DeiDei!" I yelled, tripping over a random pair of socks, but managing to stay upright. Karin burst into my room, knocking me over. I landed on my face,"…Ow."

"Abby, are you okay?" Konan asked.

I started coughing again,"*hack * *cough, cough * Fine…"

Pein leapt onto my bed, glaring at the world.

"Hold it… DeiDei… that one looked like Tobi… blue kitten… Konan… YOU HAVE THE AKATSUKI AS KITTENS! HOMIGOD!" Karin yelled.

"Shut up, Karin! I don't want the neighbors to hear!"

"Right! Ohmigod! Hold it… is Tobi also… " she trailed off meaningfully. Three kittens stared at her seriously.

I whistled and rolled my eyes,"Noooooo…."

"Aw, man… ah well…"

I shot Pein the "we'll talk later" look.

And then my alarm clock rang.

It was "I Don't Want To Be In Love" by Good Charlotte. I shot up to my feet and started singing and rocking out.

"SHE'S GOIN' OUT TO FORGET THEY WERE TOGETHER! ALL THAT TIME HE WAS TAKING HER FOR GRANTED! SHE WANTS TO SEE, IF THERE'S MORE, THAN HE GAVE SHE'S LOOKING FOR!"

Everyone stared at me oddly.

There was a pop and I was joined in with the dancing by Deidara and Karin.

Everyone else changed back and just sweatdropped. Even Hidan lost his wanting to kill me.

"EVERYBODY! PUT UP YOUR HANDS! SAY I DON'T WANT TO BE IN LOVE, I DON'T WANT TO BE IN LOVE!"

**Review! I want five reviews before I update next!**


	6. Chapter 6

**O.O Oh. My. Frickin'. Jashin. **

**I went on today, all meh and kinda tired, and then BOOM! Twenty four reviews. Woah. IT'S AMAZING! I LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOOOOO MUCH! YOU'RE EPIC! THIS CHAPTER'S ALL FOR YOU AMAZING REVIEWERS!**

**I got new reviewers, and more reviews! Thank you! Also, I've noticed some of you Favorited it! DOMO ARIGATOU! I love it!  
**

**Katarina Wolffe: Thanks! Glad to see I made you so happy! To those of you who don't know, I know Katarina. Also, I have an unposted fanfic in which Shisui calls my OC "princess" or "hime". Hence her thing. And I also had something that I bleeped out Hidan's f-bombs with "French-toast". HEH.**

**windwolf 1988: Glad you liked it!**

**night dae: "I Don't Want To Be In Love" by Good Charlotte. Rather epic song.**

**Sasunarufan101: I'm gonna update! See, see!**

**earth angel 16: Yeah, There's gonna be a few funny chapters later that is Karin trying to see Tobi/Madara's true face. **

**Ninja-cookie-monster: I still love your username : ). Yeah, epic song.**

**EK12: It'll happen! Don't worry.**

**Vampqueen27: Updating!**

**Just to clear things up, Abby knows there's a Madara. Tobi is actually Madara, but she says that he isn't so Karin won't be all "I is fangirl , hear me RAWR". **

…**yeah, I'm insane. DEAL WITH IT.**

…**AND I FINALLY GOT AN AKATSUKI ROBE! I'M SO HAPPY!**

After the short dance break, I sat down on my bed, stretching. I wasn't coughing any more, which was nice. Coughing has never been fun. Never ever ever.

And then inspiration hit me.

"Hey… you guys passed school, right?"

All of them just stared at me. I grinned, and Karin caught my drift,"Oh! You're helping us do homework!"

"What? You've got to be kidding, un…" Deidara groaned from his place on the floor. Karin had elbowed him in the gut by accident when we were dancing and he didn't feel like getting up.

I gave him a big smile,"Nope! But I'll let you choose which subject you get to help me with! English, I won't need help with, 'cause I'm freakin' good at that… Music doesn't have any homework, neither does PE… um… I have to draw something for art… crap…"

Deidara and Sasori both laid claims to helping us with art.

"I CALL DEIDEI!" Karin yelled. I shrugged and grinned at Sasori.

"'Kay, then, that leads me to History, which you guys won't be able to help me… but aha! I need to give her a battle plan, which you WOULD be able to help me with…" Kisame raised his hand, and I nodded.

"Who wants to help us with Math?" Karin asked.

No one.

"Awww, come on, please!" I pleaded. I heard a quiet snort, and Itachi and Konan both stood up.

"Um… French?"

Konan smiled slightly and looked at Itachi," Itachi-san, you will be stuck with Math."

"Konan-chan, you know French?"

"Yes, I learned a little." she clarified.

"THAT'S SO COOL!" I yelled, bouncing. I didn't know that Konan could speak French!

"Moving on, let's talk about Religion!" my sister said.

Hidan sat up from where he was lounging," I WILL FUCKING HELP YOU WITH YOUR JASHIN-DAMNED RELIGION HOMEWORK! IT'S THE ONLY NOT FUCKING HEATHEN THING YOU'VE SAID!"

Silence.

"O-okay then… um… Science?" Zetsu chose it.

"Leader-sama? Kakuzu-san? Do you have anything you want to help with?" I asked politely.

"I'm alright, thank you." the Ichigo-look-a-like said back. Kakuzu just shrugged.

I went downstairs," Art's first!" I loved art, but I sorta failed at drawing. My friends said I wasn't that bad, but I was. Cue depression lines.

"What do you need to draw?" Sasori asked me, tapping his fingers on the wood of the table.

"I need to draw a person." I replied, staring at the blank sheet of paper blankly.

"Start. I will correct you with lines and help you with proportions." he said, sliding a pencil I didn't even notice he had towards me.

"Hey! How did you know I'm not good with proportions?" I asked, jumping slightly.

Sasori gave a slight smirk," Most people aren't that good with them. I had to teach Deidara, and I learned myself by drawing blueprints for my puppets."

I nodded, and turned my attention to the paper. Holding the pencil the way I was taught to, I drew a small oval for the head. "Damn." I muttered, noticing that it was lopsided. Starting to flip the pencil to get to the eraser, I was stopped by a hand,

"Don't. It's fine. Continue working on the shape of the body." Sasori said, taking his hand away. I nodded, and kept working.

-HAPPIFUL TIME SKIP-

I looked at the finished picture, and grinned. Sasori had helped me with the proportions, often stealing the pencil and making little marks over the woman I was drawing's body and actually explaining to me how to draw limbs and how to remember to draw these. I would come out a much more skilled person at the end of this. At the end of this. NO! I didn't want the Akatsuki to leave! EVER!

I cleared my throat, and put the drawing in a folder carefully. "Arigatou, Sasori-kun!" I sang, hugging him.

He sat there for a few seconds, just staring at me, and then nodded," It was no problem. Teaching people to be artistic is no waste of time."

"Still, thank you!" I said, blinking wide blue eyes at him.

Sasori turned, and I couldn't help but notice the little smile on his face at me," Let's finish the rest of your homework."

As we went up the stairs to fetch Kisame for my battle plans, I heard Deidara's voice," No! Don't draw that line like that, un!"

"But it looks better like that!"

"But the proportions, un! They're all wrong!"

"So?"

I snickered quietly, and kept walking.

When we finished the homework (deafened at Hidan's yells that we weren't researching Jashinism, we stuffed him in the closet after gagging him with a sock and hogtying him with duct tape) , I grinned evilly,"Hey guys?"

"What?" Kakuzu answered.

"Anyone wanna try to beat me in DDR?"

**DUN DUN DUN! DDR CHALLENGE!**

**Anywho, please review! I got so many reviews it made me happy! So for fast updates, gimme reviews pwease!**


	7. Chapter 7

**THANK YOU MY AMAZING FANTABULOUS REVIWERS! I LOVE YOU GUYS! I really do! Especially XxXMiiDNiGhTXxX, who sang me happy birthday! You made me happy inside *grin * Amazing powers, eh? Seeing as I'm high off Halloween candy and I loved your review so much, Imma let you into my story. Make an OC (a.k.a give me a name and appearance and basic personality) and I will attempt to write you into this! With your amazing power of sweets! HELL YEAH! **

***cough ***

**Yeah, that goes for the rest of you. If I really like your review, you win a chance at getting an OC in this! And there will be a sequel, that you will also be in! TA DAH!**

**Sasori: *whispers * It's also Ren's way of getting more reviewers.**

**Me: SHUT IT, SORI-KUN!**

**Anywho, yeah… **

**Katarina Wolffe: Fine, fine! I'm okay at drawing! Please don't hurt me! My fans need me to write this fanfic!**

**night dae: Oh, you'll see who'll win… heh heh… heh heh… kukukuku… BWAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Sasunarufan101: Yeah, seeing as I don't own DDR *depressed face * I'll just use those two songs. : )**

**Ninja-Cookie-monster: *gasp * I must enlighten you to the awesomeness that is DDR! It's Dance Dance Revolution! A youthful game in where you dance on colored squares to music! Wow, that was very… Gai-like, and didn't explain a thing… but you'll figure it out! **

**deixsaso: I updated! : )**

**I love Deidara and hidan: This Is Halloween is rather epic…**

**XxXMiiDNiGhTXxX: YAYZ! Remember my offer! *returns glomp ***

**earth angel 16: I wish, I wish…**

**Anyhow, I gotta get to the story before I get killed. Bad things will happen! I will try to update as much as possible, but I have nasty school, nasty homework, and NaNoWriMo to get to. But, voila! Here's my story. Chapter seven.**

Everybody grinned at my challenge. Then I realized my mistake. Damn. They were all ninjas with reflexes and I… was ABBY OF THE FUNK (nch, nch, nch, nch, Abby of the Funk!)

Karin went to her emo corner, knowing that she stood no chance against me in DDR.

Tobi bounced up,"Tobi's a good boy, Abby-chan! Tobi will try!"

I laughed evilly and started to set up the game. With the Wii, I selected the song, Butterfly and set it on Medium. Easy was just too damn easy. Tobi and I stood there in our epic DDR stances, and it started.

I sang with the music, because it's fun and I'm cool like that,"

Ai yai i yai

Ai yai i yai

Ai yai i yai

Where's my samurai?(Whoo!)"

We started stepping on the arrows. I was scoring mostly Perfects, as was Tobi. The next parts of the song always made me sweatdrop, but I kept dancing and singing,"

I've been searching for a man,

All across Japan.

Just to find, to find my samurai.

Someone who is strong,

But still a little shy,

Yes, I need, I need my samurai."

The Akatsuki all sweatdropped as I waved my arms and danced more,"

Ai yai i yai,

I'm your little butterfly,

Green, black and blue

Make the colors in the sky.

Ai yai i yai,

I'm your little butterfly,

Green, black and blue

Make the colors in the sky."

Tobi almost fell off the board with a wail, missing a few and getting lates. I was of course, getting into it and perfect. Because I am apparently better at DDR than an S-Ranked criminal. Hn. I liked it.

"I've been searching in the woods,

And high upon the hills.

Just to find, to find my samurai.

Someone who won't regret,

To keep me in his net.

Yes I need, I need my samurai.

Ai yai i yai,

Ai yai i yai

Ai yai i yai

Where's my samurai?

Ai yai i yai,

Ai yai i yai

Ai yai i yai

Where's my samurai?

Ai yai i yai

I'm your little butterfly

Green, black and blue

Make the colors in the sky"

The song continued, with me kicking Tobi's ass and laughing hysterically that my DDR skills were up to par.

"Ai yai i yai

I'm your little butterfly

Green, black and blue

Make the colors in the sky

Ai yai i yai

I'm your little butterfly

Green, black and blue

Make the colors in the sky

Ai yai i yai

I'm your little butterfly

Green, black and blue

Make the colors in the sky

Ai yai i yai

Ai yai i yai

Ai yai i yai

Where's my samurai?

Ai yai i yai

Ai yai i yai

Ai yai i yai

Where's my samurai?

Ai yai i yai

I'm your little butterfly

Green, black and blue

Make the colors in the sky"

I ended the song with the quick bounce off the right and left sides that only a true DDR master could use.

"I want to try!" Konan said.

ANOTHER TIME SKIP BECAUSE POOR POOR REN-CHAN DOESN'T KNOW THAT MANY DDR SONGS AND DOESN'T FEEL LIKE TYPING UP THE DANCE COMPETITIONS.

I fell off my DDR board, absolutely exhausted. The third match with Deidara had resulted in a tie. Jeez, that guy was good. But my Master DDR title was still mine! MINE, I TELL YOU, MINE!

"Well, now what?" Karin asked.

I stood there for a few seconds.

Silence.

"Ummmmmm… LET'S MAKE COOKIES!"

"COOKIES!" Tobi yelled. I sprinted to the kitchen and took out all necessary tools.

"Nommy nommy chocolate chip cookies! GOODNESS OF THE WORLD! YOSH!" I yelled, stirring batter that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere so fast that it sprayed everyone.

I was also wearing a random apron that said "Kiss The Cook!" in big letters across the front. But they didn't know that it said that. I mean, hot Akatsuki guys… kiss the cook… that was never gonna turn out well.

Rather soon, I shoved a bunch of cookies in the oven and sat down to stare at it.

"What are you doing?" Kisame asked me.

"Staring at the cookies using my brain waves so they cook faster." I answered him seriously. Kisame chuckled slightly.

"Does it work?"

"I don't know. How about you try?"

Kisame sat next to me. We stared. Nothing happened. I snapped my fingers in front of the oven,"HA! It blinked."

Itachi rolled his eyes and walked out of the room in the typical cool Uchiha fashion.

Pein and Konan were off cleaning dishes. So romantic, those two… I giggled to myself.

"What the fuck are you two fucking retards doing?" Hidan snapped, having finally got out of the closet.

"Staring at cookies to make them cook faster." Kisame answered just as seriously as me.

"Does it work?"

"See for yourself." I gestured to the oven. Hidan sat down next to me and started staring.

"Cook, cookies, cook." I intoned in a deep voice. I heard a muffled snicker from Deidara.

Karin came over and stared at the oven too, dragging Tobi with her. She had been interroga- I mean, talking to him like the deranged fangirl she is.

We all stared. Again, nothing happened.

Finally, I snapped," GODDAMMIT, WHY WON'T THESE FUCKING COOKIES JUST-"

BOOM.

I stared, wide-eyed as the oven burst open. I was covered in random soot.

"Um, Abby-chan, are you alright?" Zetsu's white side asked.

I was standing there, fist outstretched. Silence. My eye twitched.

"THAT WAS SO FREAKING AWESOME! OH MI GOD! IT JUST, LIKE, TOTALLY SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTED! HOLY HELLFIRE!" I screamed, bouncing around. And then it hit me,"OH NO! MY COOKIIIIIIES!"

I managed to get the cookies out without burning myself, and then stared at them. They were perfect.

I lifted one up, enjoying it's delicious crumbly golden-browness and gooey chocolate insides. I took a little bite and fell on the ground.

"Yummy…" I moaned.

Tobi took about three, Kisame took one, and pretty much after that, the entire Akatsuki were pigging out on cookies that had been baked by spontaneous combustion.

Life was absolutely normal.

**I have some plans for this fanfic, but ideas would be nice! They are going to go to Abby's school, there's gonna be a game night, and MORE CHARACTERS (not just the evils) are going to come. Soooo… yeah. Ideas are wanted!**

**And DON'T FORGET, YOU MIGHT WIN AN OC!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi! It's me again! I probably updated really early… for me at least. Hn. Anyhow, here's my answers to your awesome-sauce reviews:**

**Katarina Wolffe: NOOOOOOOOO! DON'T HURT MY MURTAGH-KUN!**

…**Goddammit, Katarina! Would ya just meet Murtagh already? And yeah… I will start singing that… a lot… : ) BWAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Vampqueen27: Mmm… cookies. I'm sure yours were just as yummy as Abby-chan's baked-by-spontaneous-combustion cookies were! And you can borrow Hidan or someone to eat your cookies with *pushes Akatsuki toward you ***

**Sasunarufan101: Sure! Just gimme a name, appearance and personality. And a pairing, if you want one. You'll probably be a main-side character. A.K.A. you're in most of the crap they do.**

**Luna's moon1100: Nommy nommy cookies…**

**KThxBai: Thankies!**

**I love creepy things: Me, too! : ) I am soooo using that. It would be hilarious.**

**earth angel 16: see Sasunarufan101's answer!**

**Ninja-Cookie-monster: *sad face * I yell crap about youthfulness and scream "YOSH!" way too much for my (or anyone else's) good…**

**deixsaso: OKAY! Wow, Maranda sounds a lot like Abby-chan… heh… and by extension, sorta like me… she's in! I'll probably make her really unlike her… aw, fuck it all. : )**

**AND HERE'S THE NEW FUNPACKED CHAPTER OF S-RANKED KITTENS!**

When we were all done eating cookies and being generally "Yum, cookies," we decided to go off and do random crap. Random crap is always fun, and random crap also means that some people will die painful painful torture-full deaths (which is also fun).

Anywho, Karin suggested that we all play football.

And the stupid bitch insisted it would be without pads or mouthguards or ANY protective wear whatsoever.

Now, I'm a tiny person. I'm all of five foot, one half inch. One half inch shorter than my good friend Maranda (**deixsaso!)** and about the same height as Amber, and a little shorter than Ella. Kisame, when I looked it up on Narutopedia, is one hundred and ninety five centimeters, which when I converted it to feet using a handy dandy table of such things and a calculator, is over six feet tall. That is over one foot taller than me. I, am also about one hundred pounds. He is over two hundred pounds. In all… if I go out there, I am going to be crushed. CRUSHED.

"I call team captain," I yelled. I could pick who was on my team and NOT die a hideous, painful, tormented death-by-squashedness-and-Kisame.

"Fine," Karin sighed,"But I have to be on the opposite side."

"Hey, hey, hey, un. Some of us here don't know what this… football, yeah." Deidara interjected, raising his hand.

"Um… " Karin and I exchanged looks,"Basically you run around tackling the people who aren't on your team but mostly the person who has the ball. And there's these sideline things… and you want to score a touchdown, which is running all the way to the end of the opposite person's side."

"O-okay, un…"

"Right! Teams! I pick…" I deliberated for a few seconds,"Hold it! I gotta change! And I need to give Konan some better clothes!"

All the men groaned. I laughed at their pain and dragged Konan upstairs. I gave her a random grey t-shirt, a pair of jeans and some shoes. They fit her fairly well, as they were ginormous for me. I wore a somewhat baggy black soccer jersey and a pair of ripped jeans, choosing to go barefoot. I also grabbed a football that magically appeared on my bed.

Going back downstairs, I started to pull my hair into a French twist for the hell of it, this time announcing the teams,"Okay! My team is… Kisame, Itachi, me, Sasori and DeiDei." Ha! Kisame couldn't crush me, Itachi was just too epic, and I loved Sasori and Deidara.

Everyone snickered at Deidara's face at DeiDei. I glared,"Don't laugh at him, or I'll say all of your names as nicknames! Kisa-kun, 'tachi-kun, Red, and DeiDei!"

"Red?" Sasori looked mildly annoyed.

I gave him a goofy smile,"Red! Like your hair!"

Karin laughed.

"I'll be the referee." both halves of Zetsu said. I nodded.

"So my team is Konan, Pein-sama, Hidan, Kakuzu, and… TOBI-KUN!" she shrieked, glomping said orange-masked psychopath.

I sweatdropped. Poor Madara.

"WHY THE FUCK AM I STUCK WITH THE IDIOT AND THAT MONEY-GRUBBING BASTARD?" Hidan yelled.

"BECAUSE IT'S PAYBACK, STRIPPER PRIEST!"

"Hidan-san is sooooo mean!" Tobi whimpered. Karin glomped him again.

"FOR WHAT, YOU LITTLE BITCH!"

"FOR… erm… em… aha! LIVING!"

'WHAT KINDA FUCKED UP REASONING IS THAT?"

"MINE! NOW GET THE HELL OUT ON THE FIELD, YOU… FUZZBAG!" I yelled.

"Why you little!"

"I'M NOT LITTLE, I'M FUNSIZED FOR JASHIN-SAMA'S SAKE! DAMMIT!"

Hidan pulled his scythe out from behind the counter (oooh… that's where I put it!) and cut himself to draw the Jashin sign. I kept annoying him by sidestepping every time he chucked it at me.

"DAMMIT, STAY STILL BITCH!"

"HELL NO!"

Me, being epic, pulled a red pen out of no where and spun in a quick circle, drawing a circle. I then drew the triangle in it. And dammit, people, it was right. ON THE JASHIN SYMBOL, THE TRIANGLE POINTS DOWN.

"What the hell are you doing?" Hidan yelled as I pinched my arm.

"Haha! You're a fake! See, I pinched my arm, and nothing!"

"You need my blood, you stupid bitch!"

"Oh, right…" I leaned past the scythe and wiped up a little blood from his Jashinist circle.

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

I pinched myself again. Nothing.

"HAHA!" I laughed, pointing at him. Deidara and Kisame let out their laughter. Tobi didn't get it, Sasori and Pein were facepalming, Konan was checking her nails, and everyone else was smirking.

"Now, let's go!" I yelled, jumping out of my Jashinist circle.

I had the dumb luck to avoid the last swing of Hidan's scythe. It swung back, and sliced his head clean off.

"JASHIN DAMMIT!"

Suddenly, Karin scooped up his head,"HIDAN CAN BE THE FOOTBALL!"

I practically peed myself laughing.

We started walking to the backyard.

"FUCK NOOOO!" Hidan screamed.

"Fuck yeah!" I yelled back. And then got hit on the back of the head.

"Ow!" I glared at Itachi.

"Watch your language."

"But I don't wanna!"

Smack.

"Owies! Stop Gibbs-slapping me! I watch NCIS and CSI and Criminal Minds! I CAN MAKE YOUR DEATH LOOK LIKE AN ACCIDENT!" I yelled. Itachi glared at me with Mangekyo. I meeped and hid behind Konan.

She glared at him and hugged me. Haha. I stuck my tongue out at Itachi from behind Konan's back. He looked at me scarily in a way that practically screamed watch your back. I gulped and hid again.

"Ready, set, go!" I yelled, tackling Karin. She threw Hidan's head (em, the football) to Pein, but Deidara intercepted it and sprinted. Pein managed to grab one of his legs, and Deidara managed to chuck it at me. I grabbed it and started running, but Tobi slidetackled me. I just was able to throw it to Itachi before landing on the ground.

"Lollipop boy!" I sang, grinning.

I saw the Sharingan. Shit.

"Correction, evil boy!" I got up and away from Madara. Itachi was trying to block Karin and Konan and threw it to Sasori.

"RUN, PINNOCHIO! RUN LIKE GEPETTO'S ON YOUR HEELS!" I yelled.

"You're a baka."

"I like you better as Tobi," I said under my breath.

Karin's team was creaming us. I was rather depressed, but I then remembered something.

"PRISON RULES!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I full out launched myself at Pein, managing to tackle him and make him slide a few feet on the grass.

Kisame grinned and pretty much ploughed through everyone who tried to stop him.

Itachi rolled his eyes and stood back.

Sasori and Deidara created an explosion with poison smoke coming out of it.

After that, it was pretty safe to say we won.

"Owies… I think I broke my leg landing when I tackled Leader-sama…" I moaned depressedly, limping.

"Serves you right." I could swear I heard Pein whisper petulantly, but put it off to imagination.

"Well, I'm sure it's better than being a ball with people's fingers in your mouth!" Hidan complained.

Zetsu snickered as I looked at my hand disgustedly and wiped my fingers on Itachi's shirt. I then started running/limping the best I could back to the house. He was keeping even pace with me, walking.

"Goddammit, have a little sympathy, will ya!" I glared. I then yelped as Kisame scooped me up.

"You're loud when you're injured." he said, amused.

"Doih! It's not fun if you're not!" I said, letting him carry me. Kisame dumped me on the couch. I relaxed. It had been a rather epic day.

Konan brought me some of the pasta she'd made for dinner. I thanked her and wolfed it down before limping upstairs and taking a shower and then going to bed.

"Night, people!"

"Good night."

"Hn."

"Yeah, night."

"Sleep with one eye open, bitch!" ("Love you, too, Hidan.")

"G'night, un."

"Good night, Abby-san. **Good night."**

"Mmph."

"Night."

Silence.

"Where the hell is Tobi?" I was up in a flash.

Going down to Karin's room, I peeked in. She was cuddling the orange-masked chibi whose single eye I could see screamed for help.

I smirked and closed the door.

**I HAVE ROOM FOR: TWO MORE OCS!**

**I have Angel, Maranda, Midnight's OC, and two more. So, yeah. First come, first served.**

**Thanks for staying with me for EIGHT CHAPTERS! Review!**


	9. Important: AN

**Hi guys! This is a general author's note, so no chapter. *sad face * I'm sorry, but I don't have inspiration, and I have too much homework. Meh.**

**Anyhow, I have a few messages. One,**

**NO MORE OCS! I'm going to use all of the ones we have so far, the first two bios that were posted in a review being in the "major characters", the rest being minor characters that will randomly pop in and out and maybe be used in the sequel. Yes, there will be a sequel. HOWEVER, the five OCs by the three and then two people I have MAY OR MAY NOT be in the sequel. It all depends on if I feel like it/I can write it. **

**Two, expect slow updates. Gomen nasai, but even I'm not that cool that I can't update as much as I usually do. Expect updates from once or twice every two to three weeks.**

**Three, THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS! Sixty one, when I last checked! Thanks! You guys are AWESOME!**

**OCs and stuff will come into the story in one to three chapters! **

**By the way, the last chapter, KtBaiX (sorry, I probably just mangled your username) is right. I was just going through my fanfictions, and re-read the one by gir's-partner-in-crime. * sweatdrop * The football chapter is so alike, it's not funny. But it wasn't meant to happen! I haven't read that one in, like, ages! I think... meh. I call it Fanfiction Osmosis. But, gir's-partner-in-crime, I'm giving you half credit to that chapter cause I feel bad about accidentally doing that.**

**ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!**

**(or however you spell that!)**

**~Ren**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry for not updating! I got swamped with homework… and then all of your OCs… ack… woah… that was scary… Karin-chan had to help me with this chapter, so sorry that it's so depressingly short. Gimme ideas!**

**But yeah! Ta da!**

I got poked in the face and instinctually bit out at it. There was a scream of pain and Hidan started cussing me out,"Jashin dammit you stupid fucking bitch! THAT HURT!"

I opened a bleary blue eye and smirked sadistically.

Konan snorted from my chaise lounge.

Deidara laughed his head off. I slowly got up, yawning. I was way too tired.

"Kakuzu! She almost bit my damn finger off!"

"Serves you right, stripper priest." I grinned, yawning again.

Konan and I ushered all the guys out out so we could change. Konan found a nice white t-shirt, and a pair of shorts. I put on a black formfitting t-shirt and a pair of tan/khaki capris. We walked downstairs as I finger-combed my hair.

As soon as I sat down, a huge plate of waffles was shoved in front of me. I gratefully took a bite and rubbed my eyes, starting to look more awake.

"Aw, Abby-chan's awake." Kisame grinned at me, showing pointy shark teeth and then ruffled my hair. I gave him a gentle glare and went back to my yummy breakfast of gaufres. Waffles, in case you didn't know the French for waffles.

"So, what're we gonna do today?" Karin asked, sitting down. Chibi Tobi was riding on her shoulder. Come to think of it, why weren't the Akatsuki chibis?

POOF.

"Hey!"

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

*sweatdrop * "Abby-san, why are we chibis?"

I stared at the polite and oh so adorable chibi Sasori," Ya know, Red, I dunno."

He looked at me,"Red?"

"Don't make me explain it again. Like your hair?"

"Please refrain from calling me that." 

I stuck out my tongue at him, and continued eating.

"Abby-chan, un?"

"Nandeyo?" I glared at Deidara.

He made a fake depressed face, but continued,"Can you turn us back to human?"

"No. We're going to Walmart! You need to be chibi!"

"…Wal… mart?" Ten confused voices.

"Walmart. Yeah, Walmart. Where souls go when they die, the home of everything you can dream of, and most importantly, I won't meet anyone I know! I think." I chirped, finishing my waffles in record time.

"Let's go!" Karin yelled.

**Give poor Ren-chan some ideas, ne? **


	11. Chapter 11

**I'M BAAAACK!**

***immediately hides behind some trashcans ***

**Please don't hurt me! I know I was a bad Ren-chan and didn't update for like, a month and a half, but it's not my fault!**

**Really! **

**I will now make it up to you with this chapter, which I hope you all like!**

**WALMART IS COMING.**

**Sasunarufan101: Well, that's taken for granted. : )**

**Vampqueen27: So totally using that : )**

**Midnight: Sorry, I got tired of trying to spell your pen name. XD **

**deixsaso: YAY!**

**Ziddy2343: Crack. Lots and lots of crack.**

**Jojororo: That is such a funny list! **

**Katarina Wolffe: This means much to me… heh heh.. heh heh… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **

**evil-tea: Okay!**

**Emi and Alex: Thankies! Imma be using a lot of these!**

**earth angel 16: Okay! *hand him off to you ***

**XSweetXSourXSoulX: I know, right?**

**Lily Elm: Hahaha, that's awesome!**

**AKATSUKISHIBIS789: Yeah… classic!**

**AkatsukiHimikai: Yeah… I steal a lot of ideas… but then, I have some ideas… I try… I try.. and then sometimes I fail. : ) **

**Aurora1495: So using some of your ideas… sooo… : )**

**AND TO THE CHAPTER!**

We got to Walmart a short two hours later. It was only fifteen minutes away from my house, but Karin managed to get lost and take us somewhere that looked suspiciously like IHOP haven.

How she did this, I have no clue.

Imma just assume she has serious skill in getting lost.

When we pulled up at Walmart, I put all the Akatsuki in their chibi form in the back of Karin's car. I felt happy that my parents weren't there. Thank God for our epicness.

"Please say she brought the grill…" I muttered quietly, riffling through some layers of blankets and shit that accumulated in the back. AHA! There was my beloved set of grills and steel. I grinned and pulled it out.

Please don't ask me, by the way, the reason we have a grill in the back of our mini-van. Just don't. It's best to not ask these things.

I set up the grill and turned the propane up. The grill started a lovely little flame. I laughed manically and earned myself a few stares from an old lady who shuffled away as fast as possible.

Karin laid the meat out on the grill.

"Someone wanna take charge of that?"

"We will! **We will!**" Zetsu said.

"Now, don't eat it until it's cooked! That's for a prank." I said. Karin got a gleam in her eye. We loved pranking.

"Everyone else, come into Walmart!"

I grew the Akatsuki back to normal. They looked like a bunch of punks in their black clothes, especially Pein and Konan with their piercings.

We entered the store that has everything. We stared around in awe. Candy, to Tupperware, to overly tight jeans to leftover Halloween decorations to dog beds. Hell, they were probably selling prostitutes in an aisle!

Another group of teenagers ran by, screaming and laughing their heads off, chased by eight cashiers and a guy with a Taser.

"Let's outdo those fuckers!" Hidan yelled.

"HELL YEAH!" Deidara and I agreed instantly.

"Yeah, yeah." the others sort of grumbled.

"LET'S GO! BACCHIKOI, WALMART!" I screeched.

I ran down the nearest aisle, upending boxes and boxes of that nasty cotton stuff known as fake spider web. Eew. Such nasty texture. Yuck.

"WOO HOO!" Deidara ran straight for the candy aisle. Typical DeiDei.

He ripped open a bag of Jolly Ranchers and started eating. I ran next to him, and grabbed the biggest bag of Skittles I could find.

Taking one, I ran over to a cashier,"SKITTLE NO JUTSU!" and chucked a Skittle at him. He, lacking the hatred and coolness to dodge or catch it in his mouth, got pegged right in the nose.

"WOOT! GO FOR AWESOME AIM ME!" I yelled.

As I ran down the main aisle, I saw Konan run into the stationary place. There was an explosion and flurry of paper. Great!

Sasori wound up in a cart with the sugar-high blonde pushing him around. I almost felt bad for him when said blonde tripped over one of the bags of spider web I left on the ground and let go of the cart. Sasori dove out of the cart and did a complete Matrix skid into a crowd of people who all fell like bowling pins.

"SCORE SASORI!" Karin yelled.

Deidara got off the floor, giggling madly, and ran towards the Arts and Crafts section of the store. Good boy.

I started running down the halls and finally hid in a clothing rack. A lady opened it up after a few minutes of cramped Skittle chucking.

"PICK ME!" I screamed.

"AHHHHH!" she screamed. I laughed and then threw a Skittle at her. I chucked her purse at her and then stole her wagon for good measure.

"Yo, kid! What are you doing with that candy?" this guy yelled at me.

"What candy?" I asked with a completely blank look on my face. See, to me, Skittles aren't candy. They are WEAPONS. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. So imagine my surprise when people call them candy.

"That big bag of Skittles." he snorted.

"Hey, hey! I'm not an idiot!" I snapped.

"Suuuure- AGH!" I pelted him with a Skittle in the eye.

"HAHAHAHAHA- oh, Jashin, you're so lame!" Hidan laughed at the guy's pain. I squealed and jumped around, having not have noticed him approaching me.

"You're gonna pay- AHHHHH!" the guy took a step forward but got slide-tackled by Tobi.

There was a sudden boom from the Art section. Deidara worked his magic… or chakra, whichever one, on the clay.

"EPIC!" I yelled. Pein went whizzing by me on a pair of Roller blades, Konan by his side. He was doing a really scary evil laugh, and holding a baseball bat. Three of the guys from the other group we saw before were chasing after him.

"RUN, LEADER-SAMA, RUN!" Hidan and I screamed, laughing hysterically. Well, Hidan said "Motherfucker", but you get the point.

I turned, then, hearing a yell, and was just in time to see Karin smash a dude over the head with a ham.

"C'MON ABBY! TO THE SNOGGING COUPLE OVER THERE!" she yelled.

We linked arms and started speed-Monkee-walking over there. Halfway there, we slipped and fell.

"OW! THAT WAS MY ARM!"

"GET YOUR FACE OFF OF MY SHOULDER!"

"NOT BEFORE YOUR ELBOW GETS OUT OF MY GUT!"

"NOT BEFORE-"

Kisame pulled us up.

"Hey, thanks, man." I said, grinning.

"No prob. Hey, watch Itachi! It's hilarious!"

The Uchiha was running into walls and making hilarious faces of surprise and annoyance. He finally stopped and took a step forward, slamming right into the wall.

I clamped a hand over my mouth from laughing hysterically at the dazed and pained look on the coolest Uchiha's face.

"Kisame!"

"Yeeees, Itachi-san?"

"We are under attack! Destroy the thing in front of me!" Itachi demanded.

This time I burst out laughing, melting into a heap of giggles on the floor. Karin joined me.

"Of course, Itachi-san!" Kisame cast us a goofy look and kicked down the wall.

"CHARGE!" Konan yelled, smashing the freezed goods aisle's window-y fridge things. She snatched up a box of Eggo waffles.

Hidan raided the ice cream, pulling out boxes of delicious flavours.

WITH ZETSU

Zetsu flipped the steaks quietly, ignoring the screaming and smoke coming from the Walmart.

BACK WITH US

Sasori was in an aisle, kneeling down. I looked at the display and grinned,"Whatcha doing, Sasori?"

"I'm making the dolls battle." He said, smirking.

Sure enough, there was a full-out war between the G.I. Joes and the X-Men. A few Transformers were pulled in there, too.

"The G.I. Joes are winning." Sasori declared matter-of-factly.

"Okay, Re- Sasori." I quickly corrected myself after he glared.

I then started running around singing "Surfin' USA".

All was good in the Walmart world.

**NOTE TO ALL: THIS IS PART ONE OF… I DUNNO. TWO, THREE? CHAPTERS HAVING TO DO WITH WALMART.**

**THANK YukiHanako for this chapter! She sent me a nice PM asking if I was continuing, making me appear with this chapter! AHA!**

**REVIEW! IT MAKES MY WORLD GO ROUND! AND I ALSO NEED MORE IDEAS! BECAUSE I LIKE IDEAS! I DON'T NEED TO WORK AS HARD XD ! AND NO, THERE'S NO REASON I'M SPEAKING IN CAPS! **


	12. Chapter 12

**w00t! I got over fifteen reviews! Epic, guys! Thanks! Again, here's another fast update, part two in the Walmart chronicles.**

**BWAHAHAHAHA!**

**Well, here's my answers to reviews:**

**evil-tea: Now, now, let's not be hasty! Lollipop grenades are scary things! And Tobi makes a brief appearance slide tackling someone. And Tobi Daniel? Eh? And all of my chapters, not counting the Author's note are all at least one thousand words long! That's a perfectly good sized chapter! *glares and shakes fist * A perfectly good size, I say!**

**Midnight: Thankies! My ego liked that comment. : 3**

**Lily Elm: You're welcome! They were awesome, so…**

**Katarina Wolffe: Yeah, pretty much… yeah, the prostitutes line was gold, if I may say so myself.**

**DemontaDark: NOOOO! Don't pee yourself! That's not good! Although laughing is… : ) Glad to see you liked it!**

**Vampqueen27: I've yelled so many things that have had to do with Skittles it's not funny. "Aw, go buy some Skittles." "Shove some Skittles up your nose, why dontcha?" "WHAT THE SKITTLES?" "Are you my Skittles?" …yeah. You can kinda tell I'm insane and/or on crack.**

**XSweetXSourXSoulX: Again, peeing isn't good! Well, actually, yes it is… but in your pants/skirt/loincloth/item of clothing covering your lower body then it isn't… but glad to see you like it!  
**

**earth angel 16: Okay! She'll meet them at Petsmart. Because it's AWESOME there!**

**Ziddy2343: Last five percent was Sharpie markers, glue and Robitussin! Ahem, now that we're away from my evident drug use, Itachi is just blind and on some Pixie Stix. We love him anyways. Rock concert with the Akatsuki… EPIC. Just totally EPIC.**

**Thank you, you awesome reviewer people! Reviews are awesome!**

I laughed internally as I walked up to a woman who was working for the store.

"Can I help you, miss?" she asked politely, ignoring the fact I was eating a ginormous bag of Skittles and was covered in spider webbing, chocolate syrup and lint.

"Yes, yes, actually." I said, grinning at her,"You see, I don't get out that much. Would you be as kind as to show me to where your Twinkies are?"

The woman stared at me for a few seconds.

I smiled, showing as many teeth as possible. She looked slightly creeped out and pointed to the aisle next to me,"Right there."

"Right-o! Thank you, my fine lady." I said in a British accent and sprinted into the aisle, giving her a quick wave.

"ABBY-CHAN!"

"WHAAAAT?" I shrieked.

Tobi stared at me and then I could practically see the clouds and sunshine and pink unicorns beaming from behind his mask,"LET'S DANCE!"

"Okay, Tobi-kun! Lemme get my Twinkies first." I grabbed a pack of them and tore them open, stuffing the yummy delicious yellow and white roll like things into my mouth. "Mmm… Twinkie…"

"LET'S GO NOW!" Tobi pulled me, and glitter started falling from the air.

"HOLY SHIT, IT'S LIKE A FUCKING STRIPPER CLUB!" I heard Hidan yell.

"I KNOW! ISN'T IT AWESOME?" Karin yelled back.

"I LOVE WALMART!" was the reply.

"There's a place downtown where the freaks all come around,

it's a hole in the wall

it's a dirty free-for-all!" I sang the first words of Ke$ha's "Take It Off" loudly, spinning with Tobi.

"TOBI KNOWS THAT SONG!" Tobi yelled.

"THEN SING!" we spun around for five minutes, shrieking lyrics and bouncing until epic music came on.

David Bowie's voice started playing,"Let's dance! Put on your red shoes and dance with me!"

"LET'S DANCE! TO THE SONG THAT'S ON THE RADIOOOOOO!" Karin and I harmonized, singing back to back.

There was a general sweatdrop and we stopped, pouting slightly.

I then got whacked on the back of the head with something. I, not being used to pain, landed on the floor.

"OW! WHO THE FUCK DID THAT?" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

"I did." a guy from the other teenager fessed up.

"IMMA KILL JOO!" I yelled.

Sasori winced as I slammed into him, throwing Skittles rapid-machine-gun-fire at the guy. Not a single one missed, because I had deadly accuracy. I then pulled my knees up to my chest to nurse my head,"Itai… mah head… 'Sori-kun, kiss it better!"

The redheaded puppet stared at me in horror and backed away,"Hell no!"

"But it HURTS!" I said.

"Deal with it, un." Deidara had apparently stopped his sugar high to drag his poor danna away. He did so, only stopping to scoop up a tub of Chocolate Death ice cream that Hidan had left on the floor.

"Where the fuck is Kakuzu?" Hidan yelled.

I heard a scream and instinctively pointed. There, indeed, was Kakuzu, pointing a water gun at a cashier,"GIMME ALL YOUR MONEY! And no one gets hurt…" he growled threateningly.

Hidan and I both snickered.

"ABBY-CHAN!"

"WHAT, TOBI-KUN?" I yelled back when he started spinning me and dancing in a circle. I ignored my sister's death glare. I'd deal with her later.

"LET'S HAVE A NERF GUN FIGHT!"

"I CAN SEE!"

All heads whipped over to Itachi, who was smirking slightly, and rubbing his eyes under a pair of… 60s style psychedelic sunglasses.

They were black with various peace signs on them and hanging off of them in funky colors and chains, and the lenses had swirls painted on them.

Kisame was the first one to break down.

"AHAHAHAHA, AHAHAHAHA! OH MY KAMI, ITACHI-SAN! AHAHAHAHA!"

I joined him, and soon enough the entire store (a.k.a. the Akatsuki, some cashiers, a few unlucky bystanders and us) was laughing.

The nearest sections of the floor was then set ablaze by Itachi's angry Amaterasu.

FIVE MINUTES LATER

"Holy shit, that was close." Karin muttered to me as we hid behind a stack of fallen Lucky Charms boxes.

Itachi, being able to see, had gone on a complete rampage. Some parts of the store still burned with his black flame. Kisame had finally managed to get him calmed down, and they were outside cooking with Zetsu. Heh, that sounds like a cooking show, Cooking With Zetsu.

"Hey, Deidara!"

"Yeah?"

"Can you please please please please PLEASE do this for me?" I handed him a water gun and gave him puppy dog eyes.

"What am I doing, un?"

"Go up to a lady and tell her the rooster is in the nest! And then squirt her with it and run away! I'll give you Pixie Stix!"

"Deal, un!" the blonde agreed instantly.

Deidara did just that and got hit with the lady's purse, but managed to get away, laughing his head off.

I was then dragged off by Hidan, who suddenly decided he liked my company, to have a re-match of DDR.

"What song?" I groaned.

"Speed Over Beethoven." he said.

A small crowd gathered around as we started to play.

"WOOO! GO, THAT GIRL!"

"YOU RULE, SILVER-HAIRED GUY!"

"HEY! PUT THAT BACK NOW!"

We ignored the guy yelling at us to put the DDR game back and I creamed Hidan, getting so many perfects it wasn't funny.

"FUCK NO!" he yelled, pouting.

"HAHA! I am ABBY! ABBY OF THE FUNK! NNCH NNCH NNCH, ABBY OF THE FUNK!" I sang.

"Abby, that's Gaara's title!"

"The Sand Jinchuuriki and Kazekage?" Pein asked, finally choosing to appear.

"Yup, that's him." Karin nodded. She suddenly gasped,"You haven't killed him yet, have you?"

"…No. We were going to send Deidara and Sasori out just before we appeared as kittens in your world."

"Oh."

"How do you know, that, anyway?" Pein asked, glaring all Rinnegan-y at Karin.

"Um… you're an anime character in my world, remember? The manga is much farther along, so I dunno how you got here when you're technically younger and at the beginning at Shippuden…" I started rambling for Karin.

Karin elbowed me,"Yeah, it's kinda weird."

"Well, then." there was an awkward silence as Konan joined us. She had origami EVERYWHERE.

"Abby, here's some origami." Konan handed me a flower.

I held it reverently, staring at the intricately folded paper flower that one of my favorite characters in the entire Narutoverse made me,"Oh. My. Jashin. THANK YOU SO MUCH, KONAN!" I yelled and hugged her.

She smiled at me and returned the hug.

"Can you put it in my hair?" I asked her with wide chibi eyes that even softened Pein a little bit. I could tell from the way he looked up abruptly at the smoke and chaos. Deidara was chasing Sasori with a baseball bat, "bwahahaha-ing". Poor Sasori looked rather harassed.

"Of course." Konan smiled at me, fastening the flower in my hair.

"Thank you!" I chirped again.

"Now, go along and destroy something." she said in a motherly tone.

I touched the flower, smiled widely and ran off.

"DE-STRUC-TION!" Hidan sang out. I laughed quietly when he bent over, showing a little crack. Except instead of hot Jashinist ass crack, it was black boxers with a little pink bunny.

I cracked up, pointing.

"What- oh, you little bitch!" Hidan shrieked, running at me.

I screamed and ran to hide amidst the pistachio ice cream.

WITH "COOKING WITH ZETSU"

Itachi flipped a steak. It sizzled nicely and he smiled at the nice brown-ness.

"A few more minutes, and then we can roast some marshmallows." Zetsu's white half said.

"Hai, Zetsu-san."

Silence for a few minutes.

"Zetsu-san, why don't you create a few clones and go inside?"

"Too… hectic in there. **Chaos is awesome, but even we don't feel like it. Those girls are insane!"**

"I suppose so, for taking in ten S-Ranked criminals."

"..even if we all were kittens then… **yeah, we were kittens…"**

"Hmph."

**Thanks, guys, review please! REVIEWING IS GOOD!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Yay! I updated! You'll probably get faster updates, now, because I have like… two weeks of break! YOSH! The only problem, is that I have to work on this big thing for school. -.- meh. **

**I'll try, though!**

**evil-tea: Goddamn spell-check. I agree. It said I spelled Akatsuki wrong. I cried at it's ignorance of Japanese.**

**icyprincess1: NUUUU! NO RABID BUNNIES! : )**

**Akatsuki's a bang: Imma guessing you like Deidara. Yay, glad you like it!**

**DemontaDark: I do that a lot. : ) LOL.**

**earth angel 16: Sure! I don't think anyone else has DeiDei… ****looking through piles of OCs***** Jeez, there's a lot of these…**

**Lily Elm: LORD WALDEMORT! God, I love that guy… : ) "You may have won this round, Potter, but you can't stop kids from buying at Walmart! NO ONE CAN!" *whoosh *. Yeah, Imma use my version of the Dark Lord Waldemort. : ) **

**Ninja-Cookie-monster: Thankies! Ooh, TWO reviews! It's okay, I hate it when my computer does evil things. **

**Klavieres: Thanks!**

**AutumnLeafFall: Who wouldn't? It's WALMART! : )**

**Mistyclaw9: *tears up * My story… is better than PIZZA? That's amazing! *sniffles * Thank you!**

**daleksuperfan: Oh. My. Jashin. Your username… awesome. Your review, also amazing!**

**evioletfox: Thanks!**

**Well, here's the chapter!**

I laughed manically, on top of a skateboard.

Okay, I failed at skateboarding (I fell off about three seconds after I got on), but hell, it was a fun three seconds!

Hidan had chased me around Walmart about three times before getting hit on the head by one of my well-thrown Skittles. He'd then fallen to the ground, passed out. Tobi was currently poking him with a skewer.

"HAHA, SUCKERS!" I yelled, mowing through a shelf of lawn ornaments.

THUD.

"…ow…" I muttered, on the ground. The skateboard wheeled on creakily ahead as I ate dirt. Mmm, Pixie Stick powder! HOLY SHIT, THE GROUND TASTED BAD!

I grimaced and started rubbing my tongue off with a towel that I found that tasted just as yucky.

"Eew, eew, eew!" I muttered. Oh no! My flower!

Miraculously, the flower in my hair was unmoved and intact. I touched it, grinned, and then went running ahead. I was a bad child and gave myself a 100 percent discount on a black trenchcoat. Hey, don't look at me like that! It was a rather cheap trenchcoat to start with!

(**A/N: Ren-chan does not have the same ideals and morals as Abby-chan. She thinks you should steal ALL THE TIME! No, just kidding. Stealing is BAD, kiddies!)**

I ran around Jack-Sparrow-style, with my arms waving and the trenchcoat flaring out behind me.

Jashin, I looked so cool!

"FEAR ME, RAWR!" I screamed at the same time as Karin. I glared at her and then grinned,"JINX!"

"DAMMIT!" she yelled before shutting up.

I grabbed a pair of Matrix sunglasses and a few Nerf guns. I put a belt of ammo across my chest.

I did a Matrix slide down the aisle, shooting innocent bystanders, Pein and Kakuzu. I did a roll on my belly to avoid the ricochet. Using my elbows to propel myself along, I stuffed my mouth with Snickers and did an army crawl to where Sasori was hiding behind a toppled shelf from Deidara.

"Yo. 'Sup?" I asked him, handing him a gun and some ammo.

"Thanks. I am hiding from Deidara." he answered, taking the gun and aiming for Hidan's unconscious body. It hit, and the Jashinist let out a little twitch, making Tobi squeal and jump back with the skewer. _Smoooth, Madara._ I grinned to myself.

There was then a bang, and all the lights went out.

"WASN'T ME, UN!" Deidara yelled from the opposite side of the store.

"**MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" **a deep voice laughed.

My eyes got wide.

"What?" Sasori asked urgently.

"It's… it's… THE DARK LORD WALDEMORT!" I shrieked, jumping up and shoving a black beanie cap over my eyes

"BWAHAH- what?" some guy said.

"WALDEMORT!" I yelled.

"Eh? I'm Howard-"

"YOU'RE WALDEMORT!"

"Eh, what the hell. BWAHAHAHAHA!"

I shot him with some Nerf bullets.

"OW! LOW PRICE-IUS!"

"AH!" I jumped behind the shelf, knocking into Sasori. "Itai…" I rubbed my head.

Waldemort yelled another spell.

I dodged and jumped on him.

"Ow! Okay, okay! I give up!" he yelled as I pinned him.

"HAHA! I HAVE PREVAILED OVER WALDEMORT! I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!" I yelled.

"Yeah, whatever. Get off!"

"Okay!" I got off of him and sprinted away.

Sasori kept up with me, holding his Nerf gun like a pro. God, I was proud of him.

"Sasori, aim for that fat lady over there!" I yelled.

The red-headed puppet-man aimed and shot- while running.

"GO DANNA!" Deidara cheered.

Sasori let himself smirk as I also cheered for him,"Who's your danna now!"

"YO! LITTLE BITCH!" 

"MY NAME'S ABBY, STRIPPER PRIEST!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"EEW, NO, THAT'S COUNTED AS RAPE! I'M STILL SIXTEEN!"

"Um, guys?" Karin.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I FUCKING MEANT!" Hidan yelled.

"AND YOU MIGHT HAVE AIDS OR SOMETHING!" I screamed, poking his face.

"WHY THE FUCK ARE WE YELLING?"

"Guuys…"

"HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!" Karin snapped.

Hidan and I both slumped slightly, heads bowed from my sister's wrath.

"NOW! We are going to Petsmart, right now!"

I sighed, and trudged out of the store, picking up a bag of stuff that I had wanted.

Pein and Konan emerged, looking rather disheveled. Konan's hair was really mussed up, and Pein's arm was around her waist. I did not need or want to know what had happened.

Kakuzu looked pretty happy, his arms overflowing with bags of neatly rubber-banded cash.

Hidan and me were still emo-ish, so we just sorta walked back to the car. I then remembered I got a Near plushie (from Death Note), so I pulled it out and cuddled it.

Karin and Tobi were laughing and talking. "Stupid fangirl…" I muttered under my breath. She gave me a nasty glare, having apparently heard me.

Kisame was eating popcorn from a ginormous bag, and he was holding a random basket. I was okay with that.

Zetsu and Itachi were roasting marshmallows. I stole one off Zetsu's stick.

"Mmm… marshmallow…"

We then went to Petsmart.

"Aw, look at the cats!" Konan said, dragging Pein with her to look at the adorable cats.

I laughed when I saw Kisame at the fish tanks. He appeared to be talking with a goldfish animatedly.

"HEY KISAME! STOP FLIRTING WITH THE FISH!" I yelled.

He turned purple in a blush and glared at me. I gave him my innocent angel look.

I skipped over to the chinchilla section, tapping on the glass.

One hissed and jumped at my finger, rabidly trying to attack me. I screamed and jumped back.

"HIDAN! SATAN HAS POSSESSED THIS KITTEN!" I yelled.

"Good! Jashin will fucking love this!" he yelled back.

I gave the chinchilla the "I'm watching you" finger-eye thing that I cannot describe for the life of me.

"ABBY! HEY, ABBY!"

Oh, shit.

There, in all her glory, was Angel.

"Why are the Akatsuki here!"

Double shit.

**YAY! Angel's here! Oh, earth-angel-16 (that was off the top of my head, so it's probably wrong), if you can put her looks and stuff into one review so I don't have to go searching through eight or nine pages of reviews, it would be much appreciated!**

**YAY FOR UPDATES!**

**Gimme reviews!**


	14. Chapter 14

**I'M BACK! YAY ME! And I already updated Akatsuki Survivor, for those of you who also read that! YAY!**

**And here's Angel! I hope I got her right… probably not, but meh. XD AUTHOR EMBELLISHMENT!**

**Midnight: …okay, that is so definitely happening! YAY! Claps for Lord Waldemort! And I will update whenever I can!**

**Mistyclaw9: Thanks! **

**MariKatzuki: Well, Imma take that as a good thing, because to me, the easily amused, foot (ball? HAHAHAHA, BALLS! XD. Um… sorry about that… heh heh…) commercials make me laugh so hard I cry. Yay! I would love Kishimoto to draw this and make it into an anime movie! I'd probably cry, and then laugh, and then cry again with joy, and then glomp Kishi-kun. Yup.**

**MiSs DaYdReAmEr: Yay! Yup, Kisame's girlfriend Veronica stars in this!**

**Ninja-Cookie-monster: AWESOME SAUCE! Answers to your questions: Yes, yes, I have had sugar. Sugar and crack. XD Two, sorry, I'm taken, but I'll still marry you (JK XD), and three, a chinchilla is a truly evil yet adorable rodent that is an amazing pet. Yup. I LOVE DEATH NOTE, TOO! IT'S AMAZING! With L and Near and Matt and Mello and Matsuda! w00t! YAY! Was it a yaoi cosplay wedding? XD**

**AutumnLeafFall: Here it is, so you can read!**

**Mello13: Yay for more Death Note fans and awesome reviewer!**

**icyprincess1: Read and find out. AHAHAHAHA- ahem. *coughing * Sorry.**

**Sasunarufan101: UPDATING!**

**immortal-lover14: I seem to induce headaches, laughing, falling off things, and loss of bowel control… Imma take that as a good thing!**

**God's bubbly angel: Yay! Thankies!**

**daleksuperfan: I still love your username! YAY! Lord Waldemort (Howard? XD )) shall rule!**

**little firework: Yay! I'm updating, see! XD**

**And here it is! SEE THE BOTTOM AUTHOR'S NOTE CAUSE YOU COULD WIN WIN WIN AND GET SOMETHING YOU WANT IN THIS FANFICTION!**

I grinned nervously,"Oh, um, hi, Angel! I was just here, with, err, my sister, and we were at Walmart, and stuff…" I waved my hands around, sweating a little.

"You didn't answer my question. Why the heck are the Akatsuki here?"

"…You are feeling very sleepy." I said seriously, drawing a spiral in the air.

"Abby, hypnotism isn't gonna work."

"Shut up. Youuuu are FEEEELING very SLEEEEEEPY!" I enunciated some syllables and dragged them out.

"Abbyyyy…" she whined.

"SLEEPY! YOU ARE! You do not see the AkatSUKI! You only see a bunch of random people!"

"…WHY ARE THE AKATSUKI HERE?" Angel finally blew up.

"YOUR FACE!"

"ANSWER MY QUESTION, WOMAN!"

"NEVER! THE AKATSUKI AREN'T HERE!"

"YES THEY ARE! KISAME'S RIGHT THERE!"

"NO HE ISN'T! THAT'S JUST SOME COSPLAYER DUDE WHO'S INVADED WALMART!"

"LIAR! KONAN'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

"BE HYPNOTIZED, DAMMIT!"

"Abby-san?" Konan asked me, tapping on my shoulder.

"Yes, Konan- err… DAMMIT!"

"HAHA! I WAS RIGHT!" Angel laughed.

"Hn." I used the Uchiha catchphrase, turning my face away.

"Abby-san?" Konan asked me again.

"Hai?" I said.

"There's something that I think you should see." Konan said, leading me over to the cat adoption center place ish thing.

I immediately melted over the adorable cats. I then looked where Pein and Konan were staring.

My eyes widened at the names on the tags.

Haku and Zabuza.

The little blurb on Haku said,"_I'm a very quiet and sweet boy who loves Zabuza very much."_

"Figures," I muttered to myself, making Pein smirk.

"_I'm a little skittish, though. I was found with Zabuza out on Halloween night. Please adopt us together!"_

Haku tilted his head, pawing at the glass. I smiled at him.

I then went on to read Zabuza's adoption sheet, "_I'm a rather aggressive kitty who hates being separated from Haku. I do have a soft spot though, and am nice to people who treat me right! Please adopt me with Haku."_

I snickered as the big tom cat nudged at Haku and fairly pushed him away from the window, glaring at me with his kitty eyes.

Haku was a small black cat with dark brown eyes. Zabuza was a muddy shade of brown, and looked a little mangy. His teeth were very pointy.

I immediately did the illegal and sneaked into the place behind the cages where only volunteers were supposed to go.

"Who are you?" I heard a quiet voice ask.

"I'm Abby." I said, waving two fingers.

"I'm Haku and this is Zabuza-"

"I know, Haku-san!"

"Ah. Why do you have the Akatsuki with you in this world?"

"I dunno. They appeared on Halloween, the same day you appeared."

"Can you get us out of the cage?" Zabuza growled.

"Sure. As long as you promise not to injure or kill me, any of my friends, the Akatsuki or innocent people."

"But-"

"Of course." Haku almost (ALMOST) glared at Zabuza, instead only looking at him.

"Fine." Zabuza acquiesced.

I smiled and let them out.

"Operation Cat-Napping, begin!" I muttered, holding Haku. He purred.

"Stop being so damn cute, Haku!" Zabuza snapped,"You're a criminal, now act like one!"

"You think I'm cute, Zabuza-sama?" Haku teased.

Silence.

"…NO! DAMMIT, HAKU!"

"Yaoi rumours, you two." I said, grinning. I heard Haku snicker and Zabuza hiss at me.

Angel was now outside, staring at me.

"You do realize that's illegal?"

"Yup."

"And those cats are Haku and Zabuza from Naruto?"

"Yup."

"Ohmigod, your life is awesome."

I grinned.

"Angel! ANGEL!" I heard her parents.

"Damn…" she muttered,"Well, it was nice meeting you, Konan-sama, Pein-sama." she bowed respectfully and then ran off to go to her parents.

Konan stared at her thoughtfully,"Well… she seemed alright…"

"People in your world are strange." Pein said bluntly.

"I agree, mon capitane. I agree." I nodded. "Now hold Haku, please."

I shoved Haku into Pein's arms. The orange-haired man stared at Haku. Haku stared back.

"Um…" Haku ventured.

Zabuza sighed.

"Can I hold you, Haku-kun?" Konan got chibi eyes.

The be-pierced man held out Haku gingerly. Konan squealed quietly and fairly glomped Haku.

The cat stared at her oddly as the normally stoic blue-haired woman melted over him,"You're so cuuuuute~!"

"…Konan-san, you're choking me." Haku said.

"Gomen!"

I found Kisame buying his goldfish.

"I'm naming her Veronica!" he said excitedly.

Cue sweatdrop.

"Good for you Kisame. Come on, let's go." I dragged the blue man to where Konan, Pein, Haku and Zabuza were.

I then rounded up the rest of them. Hidan was staring at the chinchilla, Kakuzu was trying to steal some guy's money, Itachi was giving his partner odd looks, Deidara was looking at dog food, Sasori was next to him, and Zetsu and Tobi were in a heated debate about cat treats.

"Let's go, guys!"

In broad daylight, we stole Haku and Zabuza, and walked out of Petsmart.

Walmart was smoking and shaking.

We had done good work.

**ALL RIGHT! Well, now, I want to ask. Does anyone want me to bring characters from other animes and books? If so, you can pick THREE.**

**The list is:**

**MURTAGH- Inheritance Cycle ((Pwease pick him!))**

**NEAR- Death Note**

**MELLO- Death Note**

**MATT- Death Note**

**DRACO- Harry Potter**

**BLAISE- Harry Potter**

**Yeah. So, vote!**


	15. Chapter 15

**And I posted again and got lots of reviews! Yayz! I love my reviewers, because they're epic! THAT'S ALL OF YOU GUYS! YAY! *hugs all of you ***

**And even better… IMMA BRING AWLLL THE CHARACTERS IN! I know, some people don't want it because it will be a cross over, but it won't. Ren-chan's much too lazy to change the settings, and it's only a couple few select characters. Besides, I believe the Death Note characters actually exist (Actually, no, I don't, but can't a woman wish?) and am trying to find them (this, I do, for Ren has no life.). AND MURTAGH IS REAL! HE IS! AND HE'S MY LOVER! *sobs * **

**[SPOILER WARNING FOR INHERITANCE CYCLE FANS!] **

…**was I the only one who was really really really REALLY very pissed off when Eragon cut Murtagh's face in the third book? * sighs* Well, it will give him a more rugged and… dreeeamy appearance… *goes into Murtagh-induced haze ***

**[END SPOILER WARNING]**

**And here's reviews!**

**Katarina Wolffe: I AM ACKNOWLEDGING YOU! Gahhh… mendokuse onna… I only usually respond to the reviews on the first page to the latest chapter. That's why I didn't respond. Rawr. And yes, Matt is in this. w00t! But you didn't vote for Murtagh! unw00t! XD **

**evil-tea: Yup. YAY! YOU VOTED FOR MURTAGH! And Matt and Mello. Yeah, Veronica's an epic name. **

**Ziddy2343: OMFJ (J for Jashin! Jashin! JASHIN, NOT JESUS! XD) I UPDATED! Kisame has a giiiiirrrrlll! HAKU-KUN AND ZABU-KUN! Yay! And Draco and L… epic. I loves it!**

**I love creepy things: Eh, it's a sorta cross-over that focuses on the Akatsuki mainly… it works. Meh.**

**God's bubbly angel: Imma take that as a good thing! XD**

**Vampqueen27: Yay, another Murtagh fan! And another Near fan, too! YAY!**

**little firework: OKAY! YAY!**

**MariKatzuki: Konan and Abby will keep an eye out for Veronica… NO SEX IN THIS HOUSEHOLD (YET)! XD**

**MiSs DaYdReAmEr: Yay! MURTAGH! Near, and Matt! Yay!**

**icyprincess1: Who could resist a kitty Haku? WHO?**

**Midnight: YAY! *starts shooting lazor * *hits random passerby * Whoops… *sweatdrop * And the rabbit won't get my Trix! AHAHAHAHAHAHA- err…**

**DemontaDark: YES! MURTAGH! (and Matt and Draco!) YAY! I love that fanflash/quote-ish thing… yeah…**

**Dragonfire2lm: Shhhh! DON'T SPILL MY MASTER PLAN OUT INTO THE WORLD! NO ONE MUST KNOW KAKASHI WILL BE IN MY STORY- well, crap, I just told all of you my master plan. *silence * Shit. : )**

**AutumnLeafFall: Yay! I will!**

**Animizer: YES! MURTAGH MATT AND DRACO!**

**Ninja-Cookie-monster: Aw… XD I WILL!**

**XSweetXSourXSoulX: w00t!**

**daleksuperfan: GOOOOOO DRACO! Yay, my story connects to real life! w00t!**

**animeangel2439: AHAHAHAHA! GO CHAOS!**

**Mello13: Oh, snap! I have a friend who will kill me if I let others date Matt (*Katarina Wolffe*) Go fight it out with her! Rawr! : )**

**CHARACTERS IN THE STORY THAT REN IS REVEALING NOW:**

**Murtagh, Mello, Murtagh, Near, Murtagh, Matt, Murtagh, L, Murtagh, Light, Draco, and did I mention Murtagh?**

**I don't think I did… So, Murtagh!**

**I'm such a fangirl… meh…**

**And after that depressingly long author's note, here's the story itself!**

I unlocked the door to Karin and I's house, whistling cheerfully and holding Haku in one arm. Zabuza was next to me.

It was about two o'clock on a Sunday, and I was feeling happy.

"So… anybody want to play Scrabble?" I asked, grinning.

"Sure." Sasori said.

"Tobi will!" the orange-masked man yelled.

"And I will, as well." Pein said.

I got the Scrabble board, and got ready for an intense game of Scrabble. Every person got eight letters, and we all hunkered over the board.

-An Hour Later-

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Pein, Sasori and myself screamed.

Everyone laughed at us.

Tobi was, apparently, a genius at Scrabble. He had the first move (we'd pitied him, so we had gave him the first move) and put out "Mandarin", hitting so many different multipliers it wasn't funny. It also made him use up all of his letters, giving him 128 points to start.

I started to slam my head against the table, sobbing in the agony of defeat.

Pein Rinnegan-glared the board, making all of the tiles scatters everywhere, and then stalked off, a chibi raincloud above his head. Konan followed him, looking as if she was trying to hold in some snickering.

Sasori was just flat-out depressed.

Deidara stopped laughing as soon as he saw Sasori, immediately feeling bad,"Aw, danna, it's not that bad, un!" he said, patting the older man's shoulder sympathetically.

"Yes, it is that bad, Deidara! I was bested by THAT!" he growled, pointing at Tobi.

"Tobi is a good boy!" he exclaimed cheerfully.

Sasori and I looked at each other, and then went for Tobi's throat.

It took fifteen minutes, three pans, nine promises of candy and two chakra shields, and in the end, four Akatsuki members to pry us off of Tobi.

"YOU SONOVA- GAHHHHHH!" I yelled.

"LET ME TURN HIM INTO A PUPPET!" Sasori yelled, just as inflamed as myself.

"Both of you, stop it, un!" Deidara yelled.

"NEVER!"

"Don't make me Sharingan you." Itachi warned in a monotone.

"You'll never Sharingan me, copper- er, Itachi!" I cried, waving my fists in the air. Kisame just managed to dodge.

"Jeez, you're gonna hurt my face!" he whined.

"And I'm sure Veronica wouldn't like that." I said, forgetting my bad mood to taunt Kisame.

The blue man's face turned an odd shade of purple,"Um… that's not the point! You are much too violent for your own good!"

"…and?" I asked.

"…"

"That's what I thought." I said smugly. "You're S-Ranked criminals. Too violent is good, except for Itachi, because Itachi is Itachi who is a weird S-Ranked criminal because he's a pacifist. But I suppose he has his reasons for pacifism because, I mean, come on! Anyone who was a ninja during the Great Shinobi World Wars would be a pacifist! BAD CRAP HAPPENED!"

Itachi glared at me and shoved a sock into my mouth, apparently deciding that one, he didn't feel like being particularly pacifistic to me today, and two, he wanted me to be quiet.

"MMMPRAGH!" I coughed, spitting out the sock and glaring at the black haired Uchiha,"You coulda just asked me to be quiet! Jeez! Overreaction, much?"

"Tobi is a good boy!"

"GAHHH!" Sasori managed to rip himself free from Deidara and Kakuzu and punch the masked man in the face.

"WOOOO! GO SASORI!"

"Ow-" a deep voice that definitely WASN'T Tobi muttered, and then coughed,"I mean, ow!" his voice pitched much higher.

"Smoooooth…" I muttered. "That's one way to break disguise."

"Shut up."

"Jeez, touchy!"

There was a lot of sweatdropping and awkward coughing.

"A gay baby was just fucking born!" Hidan announced.

Silence. *twitch *

"And there's another one!"

"Hidan, that sorta sounds… I dunno, homophobic?" Kakuzu said.

"No… not really… just plain old weird." Kisame said, scratching his head. I took my chance and tried my hardest to rip out of his grip. I twisted and gritted my teeth, trying to escape. Kisame gave me an odd look, smirking as he then realized my squirming was to get free. I then noticed that his grip was merely on my shirt.

"Rawr! Grrr…." I growled, showing my teeth as fearsomely as possible.

Stare. "What are you doing?" Itachi asked me from his perch on the couch.

"I dunno, go read Cosmo or something!"

One of his eyebrows arched,"Cosmo?"

"Yeah! Learn how to put on eyeliner! Well, you could always just watch Deidara in the morning…" I said, thinking.

"Hey, un!"

"My eyes don't need eyeliner, nor mascara."

"Oh yeah, because you have such beautiful eyes." I said, voice dripping with honeyed sarcasm. Kisame chuckled.

"My eyelashes are, indeed, natural."

I ignored the background giggling and conversation of Sasori, Deidara, and Kakuzu ("I never did think I'd see Uchiha Itachi having a serious conversation with a girl about eyelashes," Sasori. " Well, we all knew Itachi had a feminine side, hmm!" Deidara. "And you don't?" Kakuzu.) and smirked crookedly at Itachi,"Maybe it's natural-"

"Hmm?"

I delivered my punchline,"Maybe it's Maybelline." I deadpanned.

Silence.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed.

More silence. Itachi glared at me. I closed my eyes just to be safe.

"What? I thought it was funny." I muttered.

There was a huff, and Itachi went back to reading his magazine. Sadly, it wasn't Cosmo.

"So… what do you people wanna do? It's three o'clock."

"Um…"

"Err…"

"How 'bout a knitting contest?" I suggested helpfully.

I heard a snort from Itachi. I flipped him off carefully, so he wouldn't see. This brought me to a conundrum. How would it be possible to flip off a Hyuuga member with Byakugan? They had the entire eye-can-see-u thing going on for them, and they'd be able to see you if you did flip them off, and then they would Jyuuken (Gentle Fist) you until you saw magenta and were in Bolivia (or Oblivion, because one, you wouldn't be able to spell anymore, two, you wouldn't be able to tell where you were, so it really wouldn't matter, and three, you would get injured so badly, you would very well be in Oblivion as in the video game.)

Haku, who was finally not a kitten, perked up at this,"I'll certainly play, Abby-san!"

"Chan?" I looked at him with big chibi puppy eyes.

"What?"

"Chan? Abby-chan?" More puppy eyes.

"Abby-chan…?"

"Yay!" I glomped Haku. He stared for a couple of seconds before hugging me back.

"Anyone else up for our knitting contest?" I asked.

Deidara shook his head, but found a pair of knitting needles.

**AND THAT'S CHAPTER FIFTEEN! YAY!**

**Now, Imma need to start to carefully introduce characters… AHA! *evil grin ***

**Anyways, REVIEW? I'll give you a Haku plushie!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Yay! I'm back again! And I have my Learning Fair, which means updates will be short/far in between.**

**Yeah.**

**Well, here's my answers to the reviews!**

**Mello13: Again, go battle it out with Katarina Wolffe! (and bring a helmet) XD**

**little firework: Yay for knitting contests! And you reviewed some of my other stories! YAY! Extra kudos for you!**

**Katarina Wolffe: NOOOO! ABBY MUST WIN THE KNITTING CONTEST (she has no chance, but whatever. :) ) And I saided that you could vote for multiple people! RAWR! UP TO THREE (I THINK!)! For those of you who are like O.O Why is she being so… Ren-ish to this person, I happen to know Katarina personally. :3 You'll be introduced, sheesh! No worries! Mendokuse onna!**

**LovelyLittleShadow16: Aw! He (or she) has got to be adorable! I have a grey kitty myself, but his fur is too dark to be Hidan's color of grey. I also have an orange cat that I nicknamed Pein. My onee-chan insists that he's Tobi. XD**

**MariKatzuki: GO TOBI! I think… Well, behind the scenes, this is how the points went: Tobi: 289 points, Sasori: 204 points, Abby: 120 points, and surprisingly Pein, in last, with 119 points. Yup. He's gonna get revenge for that. I'm updating now!**

**Sasunarufan101: Missy will be introduced soon! It would be happiful if you could summarize her in one review for Ren-chan!**

**icyprincess1: Yep, Tobi actually won! Haku is adorable, and knitting… I dunno. :)**

**XSweetXSourXSoulX: Don't forget the herbal essence shampoo!**

**aras the crazy writer: THANKIES! REN-CHAN LIKES POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT! IT MAKES HER UPDATE FASTER! ((Is it just me or did that sound wrong… XD)**

**Midnight: *hands you a never-ending chocolate bar * Thar you are! You're a step closer! And you can help me dominate the world! Now, we both have to find a way to kidnap all of those anime characters…**

**immortal-lover14: Yes, yes, he is.**

**Dragonfire2lm: Yay for Kashi-kun! And I have a fangirlism problem… *steps up to the podium * I am Ren, and I am a fangirl. **

**Everyone else: Hello, Ren.**

**Me: **

**AutumnLeafFall: I do try, thankies!**

**evil-tea: Ah, my dear dear evil-tea-chan… whatever will we do with you… ZOMJ that sounded rapist-ish.**

**Dark Angel Arise: Tough crowd indeed! I'm updating! *hides under my bed * You can't see me… so I have therefore evolved and mutated, and am now invisible! YAY FOR REN-CHAN!**

**Thank you, all of my awesome reviewers! I love you all sooooo much! *glomps ***

"ALL RIGHT!" I yelled, making all of the S-ranked criminals in my living room jump. "THIS IS HOW KNITTING CONTESTS WORK! YOU TAKE YOUR KNITTING NEEDLES… and then you knit as fast as you possibly can. While doing one: jogging, two, dancing, or three, nothing at all!" I continued in a normal tone.

"…that was sorta stupid to say, un. Now all of us are going to stay still."

"…and? It's not as if I was going to jog or dance." I said.

Deidara anime-fell. Haku just smiled.

"ANYWAYS." I said. "When I say go, on my mark! Ready… set… DONUTS!"

Silence.

"Haha! I almost got you!" I said, laughing. _Dammit, these people were good!_

"Ready… set… FIRE!"

No reaction. I saw a tic mark slowly forming on Deidara's forehead.

"Ready… set… PINK!"

About fifteen minutes, Haku's shoulders were drooping and Deidara looked like he wanted to throttle me, and would have if it hadn't been for the chakra strings on his hands, courtesy of Sasori.

"Ready… set… GO-GO GIRLS!"

Deidara's hand jumped, and I laughed at him. There was a barely audible growl and an eye-twitch.

"Abby-chan, please." Haku finally asked, sighing.

"Fine, fine. This time. But only for you, Haku-kun~!" I said, smiling goofily in a way that the Hyouton boy had to smile back (time for internal squee fest.)

"Ready… set… GO!" I started my fast knitting.

Deidara's hands were barely moving,"Hey! Danna, stop it!"

Sasori was smirking, a barely visible set of chakra strings coming out of his pinky finger as he kept Deidara's hands still.

"What?" he said innocently.

"DANNA, I KNOW IT'S YOU! STOPPIT, UN!"

"Come on, 'sori! Let him compete!" I said, grinning and knitting away speedily. Sasori rolled his eyes but let the blonde go.

Deidara shot the puppetmaster a death glare before knitting.

Sasori waited a few more seconds before grabbing a pair of knitting needles and a ball of yarn, and got to work.

"Aw, shit…" Deidara and I muttered. We knew we were screwed.

Haku stayed quiet, and knitted even faster.

After about ten minutes of fast, quiet, intense knitting, Deidara yelled in pain. One of his handmouths had gotten a splinter.

"HAHA, TAKE THAT!" I laughed, brandishing a knitting needle.

Haku looked at me briefly,"Don't be cruel to Deidara-san, Abby-chan."

"Don't be so nice, Haku-kun. DeiDei-chan deserves it."

"OBSTACLE!" I yelled.

Tobi ran in, and started chucking peanuts at us.

Thud. Swish. Crack.

"…" Sasori looked a little annoyed as a lopsided peanut bounced off his arm.

"Itai…" Deidara muttered as a particularly well thrown peanut smacked him in the face.

"Ow…" Haku winced as one caught him on the neck.

"OWIES!" I screeched as one went whistling past my ear.

There was silence.

Finally, Kisame,"Abby-chan… that peanut didn't even hit you…"

"SCREW. YOU."

Itachi used his ninja skillz to reach out and grab a peanut that went flying towards him, crushing it into peanut dust with a twist of his fingers. All while he continued reading his magazine, not even looking up once.

Such a show off. Which brought me to the thought that all Uchiha are show-offs. Let's think about this. Sasuke. The entire lightning shower thingie. Madara. Madara is Madara. Itachi. Well, he just crushed a peanut, so…

Yeah. All Uchiha are peanut destroying show offs.

I glared the best I could before my hand started to cramp.

I took a little break, glancing over at Sasori and Haku. My jaw dropped. Their knitting was absolutely flawless and also yards long. I took a look at mine. A foot, at the most.

"IT'S NOT FAIR! THEIR'S IS LONGER THAN MINE!"

Hidan poked his head in,"HOLLA!"

A peanut hit him square in the nose, courtesy of Tobi. "OW! YOU MOTHER FUCKING… GAHHH!"

"Ha ha!" I laughed. Smack. "Itai…"

TIME SKIP OF DOOM (AND MASS DESTRUCTION) BECAUSE REN-CHAN IS BORED WITH THIS PART OF THE STORY AND WANTS TO GET ON WITH IT. YEAH.

Sasori and Haku had tied for first, Deidara got second (Much to his pleasure), and I got third. I went emo and was skulking in the corner behind Kisame, pouting.

"Well…" Konan ventured to break the silence.

"Where's Kakuzu?" Zabuza finally asked.

"He's counting money." she answered, smoothing back a strand of hair.

"…um…" Haku said, sniffing and rubbing his nose.

"Is Haku-kun catching a cold?" Konan and I both practically pounced on him.

"Heh… I'm fine, arigatou…" he said nervously, as we both hung over him.

"Nice job, Haku! Get both the women in the room!" Kisame laughed, making Haku blush dark shades of red.

"Aw… he's so cuuuute when he blushes~!" I squealed, kissing Haku's cheek (making him go a darker shade of crimson).

"He really is!" Konan squealed back, hugging him tightly around the neck.

"…" Poor Haku looked rather embarrassed, so Konan and I let go when Pein entered.

"…why is Haku blushing?" the orange haired leader asked.

"I dunno." I said, shrugging innocently. Zabuza snorted, patting Haku's shoulder.

"So… what now?"

"Err…" there was silence.

"Let's watch wrestling!" I said, grinning widely.

Kisame, Hidan and Zabuza immediately materialized in front of the TV, sitting down.

"Bring on the testosterone, people!" I cheered, pumping a fist in the air.

"I don't like wrestling, hmm." Deidara sniffed.

"It never was particularly appealing…" Sasori agreed with his fellow artist.

"Well, go and have a yaoi make out session or something!" I yelled, glaring. "I like watching wrestling!"

"Why?" Pein asked the obvious question.

Konan answered for me, giving him the "idiot look"," Who doesn't want to watch ripped guys covered in sweat in various over-PG13 position?"

"Seconded." I muttered, fist-bumping her.

"Tobi wants a lollipop!"

"They're in the second cabinet…" I sighed, resigning myself to hyper Tobi.

"…" Sasori and Deidara seemed to be absolutely disgusted with my option.

Itachi actually snickered, Haku smiling slightly.

"Anyways, let's watch!"

About ten minutes later, Konan and I were nosebleeding as Kisame had Hidan in a headlock, and Zabuza was straddling Kisame's back. All of them were punching each other.

"…yaoinesssss…." I hissed, finding a tissue to stuff up my nose.

"…" Konan was pretty much passed out with blood loss. Pein sighed, reaching over to stop the flow of blood coming from his… significant other's nose.

"Honestly… all of you…" Haku complained. "Kisame-san, stop throttling Hidan-san. Zabuza-san, get off of Kisame-san."

"But-" all three complained.

"NOW." Haku's voice turned into ice.

I meeped and hid behind the prone form of Konan, and Pein arched an eyebrow.

Zabuza got off and Kisame released his grip.

I coughed, wiping the remainder blood off of my nose, smiling rather sheepishly and innocently.

"Er… so it's what, five o'clock? Anyone wanna make dinner?"

Konan and Haku went to make dinner.

We all ate, and then went to sleep.

It had been a long but epic day.

**Yeah. Crappy ending, I know.**

**Ah well, whatever works! Characters will start to come in next chapter!**


	17. Chapter 17

***confetti falls * *horns blow * WE HIT TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS! And not even twenty chapters… That's like, thirty three and a third reviews every chapter! w00t!**

**And here is this super-duper EXTRA LONG (okay, not really…) chapter!**

**DemontaDark: You really do gotta love yaoi…**

**icyprincess1: DOOOOM! DOOM, I TELL YOU, DOOM!**

**God's bubbly angel: Thank you! I'm okay (had to get a blood transfusion XD) and happiful!**

**XSweetXSourXSoulX: Wait for Truth and Dare… and various drinking games… *cracks up * Yeah.. they'll actually be drinking Coke, except for Hidan, who will find alcohol one way or the other…**

**Akatsuki's a bang!: Yeah, Ren-chan just doesn't get the point of wrestling… except for the hot men XD… THANK YOU! I wouldn't mind even if you loved me in a gay way… ;) I'm taken though. XD**

**lostlovemanami: You, my dear, are one of my favorite reviewers! You actually took the time to review EVERY. SINGLE. CHAPTER. Except for one or two… meh, every single chapter. I loves you! *glomp * **

**alexanimelvr: Yup. That was for the fangirls : )**

**Katarina Wolffe: Woah… long review… yay! It was a long day! Holla… aw yeah. HOLLA!**

**little firework: YOU'RE MY TWO HUNDREDTH REVIEWER! YAY!**

…**and now to my epic story (of mass destruction).**

**You know you're Ren when you go back over your story, re-reading it, and then just bust out laughing," I am genius… GENIUS…"**

**Yeah.**

**AND NOW TO THE STORYNESS!**

Brriiiing! Briiinng! My alarm clock rang twice.

It was a lovely Monday morning as my fist smashed into the alarm clock, sending little pieces flying everywhere.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"WHAT? OH MY FUCKING JASHIN!"

"MY MONEY!"

*thud *

"Itai…" I groaned, holding my head and hand.

"…what the hell just happened, hmm?" Deidara yelled. He wasn't wearing a shirt and was in fully human form. _Mmm…_ I coughed, and wiped away the dribble of blood.

"Err… I smashed my alarm clock… and then people started yelling…" I whined.

"Where's Tobi?" Pein demanded.

"Hold your horses, mon capitaine. I NEED MEDICAL ASSISTANCE!"

"Abby-cha- your hand is bleeding!" Haku yelled drowsily, procuring a roll of bandages and starting to fix my hand.

"…thanks, I guess, Haku-kun!" I said.

"No problem."

"Haku always was the mothering type…" I heard Zabuza.

"Zabu-san…" he said warningly, glaring at the swordsman. Zabuza held his hands up defensively.

"Haha!" I muttered.

"Abby-chan."

"MEEP!"

"Well… what time is it?" Konan asked, brushing out her hair.

"Er… HOLY SHIT IT'S SEVEN TWENTY!"

"Abby, school doesn't start until eight fifteen." Itachi sighed, having looked at my school schedule.

"…oh."

"You're going to bring two of us to school with you." Pein glared at me. I smiled back, trying not to giggle. Death glares sent me into hysterics.

"Sure, sure. Which two?"

"Er…" I had caught the orange-haired man off guard. "Sasori and Deidara."

"Mmkay! I even have art today!" I said, grinning widely.

"Woohoo!" Deidara yelled, giving me a high-five. Sasori just smirked.

"You're gonna have to be chibis, and be in my bag…" I said.

"Un-epic, yeah…" the blonde said, sagging.

"But you can come out at a few times that I say you can."

"…right." both of them were obviously plotting death, destruction and all sorts of nasty things.

"All right!"

I was wearing the tan pants and the navy blue shirts that were my school's uniform (bleh), and a random black beanie that I felt like wearing. The two artists were in my pockets (much to their pleasure and my agony), and I was walking down the hall.

"ABBY!" Ella screamed, running and glomping me.

"Ella! This is out of character for you!" I said, snickering as I heard Deidara go "oof".

"HI! Angel said that you had a special secret-y thing!" she said, grinning.

"Mmhmm!" I reached into my pocket, grabbing Deidara as carefully as possible.

"OW! ITAIITAIITAI!" he yelled as I accidentally crushed him a little bit.

"Oh. My. Jashin. YOU HAVE DEIDARA AS A CHIBI!"

"YES, I DO!" 

"THAT'S AMAZING! DO YOU HAVE SASORI, TOO?"

"YEAH!" I pulled out our favorite red headed puppeteer ninja.

"EPIC!"

Amber walked around the corner, eyes going wide as soon as she saw the two artists. "Oh my God... are those..?"

"Yep!"

She then glared at Deidara,"YOU!"

"Me, un?" he squeaked.

"Are your arms still attached?"

"…yeah!"

"Like, not sewn on?"

"YES!"

"…good. Why didn't you tell me you had the Akatsuki as chibis? Just like on Fanfiction!" she glared at me.

I put Sasori on my shoulder, giving Deidara for Ella to maul.

"Abby!" our blonde-haired Angel sprinted down the hall, eyes going wide when she saw Sasori lounging on my shoulder. "You brought them here?"

"Yeah! Pein-chan would have been mad if I didn't."

"That's awesome! Ohayo, Sasori-san! Hi, Deidara-san!" she said, waving at both.

Sasori nodded at her,"Who are you?"

"This is Angel, that's Amber, and that's Ella!"

"Abby! Hi!" Laura said. "Hi, Sasori! I'm Laura."

"Hello." Sasori said, nodding again.

"Is that Deidara with Ella?"

"Yeah."

"DEIDARA!" Angel pretty much lunged forward, blonde hair hitting me in the face.

"OW!"

Sasori winced at the volume.

"Sorry, Saso-kun…" I said sadly.

"Deidara~! I love you sooooo much!" Angel cooed.

"…stay away from the scary fangirl.." I said, backing away.

"Ah… heh heh… " Deidara laughed nervously.

"Can I have DeiDei back?" I asked, holding out a hand to save the blonde.

"NO!"

"Amber?" I asked seriously. Using her superior speed, Amber swiped Deidara out of Angel's grip, provoking a loud howl of torture.

I looked at Deidara sympathetically,"Are you okay?"

"Mhmm…"

The bell rung.

"Time for class!"

The first class I had was Social Studies slash History. Our teacher, Ms. White, started to monologue about the differences of Rural and Urban America. I started to slide down in my seat.

"Miss Murdock?"

"Mmhmm?" I said, grinning.

"May I have an answer to my question?"

"Er… repeat the question?"

"…" she glared at me, tapping her foot.

Sasori poked me, whispering something that I quickly repeated,"Nineteen twenty three."

There was giggling as Ms. White sighed, annoyed that I was lucky.

"..arigatou! Arigatou!" I whispered to Sasori.

"You never thank me, hmm…" Deidara whined.

"Sorry…" I whispered.

"Who are you talking to, Miss Murdock?"

"No one." I said innocently. I saw Angel snicker, and glared.

"Would you care to have a Skittle?"

My eyes went wide,"Really?"

"Yes."

"THANK YOU! I LOVE SKITTLES~! Although-" my world came crashing down around me,"It's poisoned, isn't it…" I said dejectedly.

"Why would I poison my students?"

"Good question!" I perked up and took a Skittle.

"Yay, Skittles!" Ella muttered.

At Art, I was half-assedly attempting to sculpt something. I could sense Deidara's pain.

"You're doing it all wrong, un!"

"It's not my fault!" I whispered furiously.

"YES IT IS!"

"NO IT ISN'T!"

"Abby! What are you doing to that poor lump of clay?" Our art teacher, Mr. Martinez, exclaimed.

"Haha, I was right, yeah!"

"Shut up…friggin' idiot…" I muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"Wasn't to you, Mr. M~!" I smiled, all sunshine and happiness. His eye twitched.

He then showed me how to properly sculpt a bowl.

Deidara wouldn't stop laughing at me.

We then had Science, which involved Mr. H chasing me and Amber around with a pair of scissors, claiming that he had to "break the hydrogen bond".

"AHHHHHHH!" I screamed, dodging the scissors and jumping onto the table.

"STAY STILL! AIR PRESSURE WILL BREAK YOU SOME DAY!"

"NEVER!" 

"This takes Physics to a whole new level…" Laura muttered faintly, making Ella laugh.

AT LUNCH

"Err… so…" I said to myself as everyone at my table was fawning over the two Akatsuki members (or eating).

"Oh! I have a Rubix cube!" I smirked, starting to fiddle with it as I took a bite of yummy yummy food.

Five minutes later, I was nearly pulling my hair out. "GAHHHH! WHO INVENTED THESE STUPID THINGS? RAWR!"

Amber stared at me for a few seconds before starting to interrogate Deidara again,"So that really makes the fireworks cartwheel?"

"Yup, un!"

I got anime depression lines,"I hate my life."

Ella stopped my line of reasoning at the end of the day,"Hold it… where's Karin?"

Silence.

"Oh my Jashin-sama… where is she?" I yelled.

"I saw her at Petsmart with you guys…" Angel piped in helpfully.

"Really? THANK YOU!" I yelled.

I got the entire Akatsuki (plus Haku and Zabuza) into my car, and we drove to Petsmart.

"We forgot Karin." I broke the news to them on the way. Haku groaned, smacking his forehead.

Everyone else sweatdropped as I laughed nervously.

All I could see was the glaring form of my sister inside of Petsmart, pressed against the glass.

"Twenty. Fucking. Seven. Hours." she snarled.

"Aw, fuck…" I whimpered.

**AHAHAHAHAHAHA! We forgot Karin!**

…**she's gonna kill us.**

**Anyhow, THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS! BYE FOR NOW!  
**

**REVIEW MORE!**

**~Ren**


	18. Chapter 18

**I AM BACK! **

***dodges rotten tomatoes and the odd Chidori ***

**Please don't injure meeeee! I'm busy, and I should technically be doing schoolwork, not spending forty five minutes on an update! But… I have a bad feeling you guys will kill me if I don't update now.. ah well. It works!**

**And to both KatarinaWolffe and evil-tea: I'm not addressing your reviews because they weren't on the first page, dammit! STOP NAGGING ME, MENDOKUSE ONNAS!**

***ahem ***

**amaranteotaku: Ninja epic is EPIC!**

**Lily Elm: Eh, s'okay! As long as you're out of your emo corner! I actually have one in my closet… it's really comfy, and I listen to my music and write dark poetry! XD And physics… is amazing. : ) You're welcome! I thought she was incredibly super-awesome-amazingly-flantabuously-coolirific-groovily-furbalistically-epic. So I used her. :3**

**Midnight: Yes, poor poor Karin. All alone in Petsmart… XD**

**immortal-lover14: FEAR HER!**

**AutumnLeafFall: Yay? Glad you liked it!**

**God's bubbly angel: DAMMIT! *bangs head against desk * I knew that… I really did… : )**

**XSweetXSourXSoulX: It's easy! You just walk out of Petsmart! XD**

**KuramiwuvsGaara: ANOTHER EVANESCENCE FAN! YAYYYYY! I LOVE EVANESCENCE AND ALL OF THEIR SONGS AND AMY LEE AND WILL AND WILL AND JOHN AND TERRY AND ROCKY AND DAVID AND BEN AND- * goes on long Ev-fan rampage* **

**Lostlovemanami: I LOVE YOU TOO~ : )**

**Bookworm 73: Yay! Thank you!**

**Dreaded redhead sand-ninja: LOVE the username. Simple love~ Crazy shit will happen. Kukukukuku…**

**Tough chick: Yay!**

**Thank you, my amazingly incredibly super-awesome-amazingly-flantabuously-coolirific-groovily-furbalistically-epic reviewers! I LOVE YOU ALL!**

**And now… to mah storeh.**

_REN-CHAN'S AMAZINGLY INCREDIBLY SUPER-AWESOME-AMAZINGLY-FLANTABULOUS-COOLIRIFIC-GROOVILY-FURBALISTICALLY-EPIC RECAP (OF MASS DESTRUCTION)_

_I got the entire Akatsuki (plus Haku and Zabuza) into my car, and we drove to Petsmart._

_"We forgot Karin." I broke the news to them on the way. Haku groaned, smacking his forehead._

_Everyone else sweatdropped as I laughed nervously._

_All I could see was the glaring form of my sister inside of Petsmart, pressed against the glass._

_"Twenty. Fucking. Seven. Hours." she snarled._

_"Aw, fuck…" I whimpered._

(BACK TO THE PRESENT)

It had been five minutes later, and I was banging on the glass of Petsmart. For some reason or another, it was closed, and I couldn't open it.

"Dammit! Kariiiiin! Try to open it!"

Karin, who was still giving me that scary glare, growled,"I don't have a key, dumbass!"

"Don't be mean to me! I don't do well under pressure!" I whined, sitting on the ground.

"…" Karin continued her glare.

I let out a little whimper and covered my eyes, exceedingly scared from her wrath.

There was a quiet thump. I turned, and saw that pretty much all of the Akatsuki were facepalming.

"What?"

"Why don't you ask one of us, who are all S-Ranked criminals, to get the door?" Sasori said as though I were a particularly stupid small child.

"But that ruins all of my fun!" I pouted, giving the redhead my "cutesy" impression. Sasori just sighed and continued his facepalm.

Ten minutes later, Kisame had had enough and just plain punched through the glass, creating a big enough hole for Karin to climb out of.

Of course, it was also alarmed, so as soon as the blue man did this, a Klaxon started ringing and we heard police sirens in the distance.

"AH!" I screamed, holding my poor ears and sprinting back to the car. All of the Akatsuki managed to fit in, shoving Karin onto Tobi's lap (much to her delight, I could tell, despite the fact she was deadly pissed.).

I sped away, pressing the pedal to the metal.

"Do you have to go so fast, un?" Deidara groaned, looking a little sick.

"HOLLA!" was my only response, and I made the car go faster so we wouldn't be late to school for the next two classes.

At exactly one o'clock, my car swerved into the school parking lot, looking a little worse for the wear.

A little worse for the wear meaning a fender was hanging off, and my wheels were pretty much toast.

The janitors at the school rushed out.

"What did you do to this car?" he gasped in horror, seeing the smoking tires.

"…nothing, gotta run!" I dragged Sasori and Deidara with me.

Mrs. Forster (my Math teacher) was just commencing class when Karin, the two Akatsuki members, and I came bursting in.

About half of the class (all female) passed out at the sight of the guys. Amber, Ella, and Laura just goggled at the sight (seeing as Angel was passed out at seeing Deidara).

"Abby, Karin, you're here. Almost late, too. And who are these young men?" our teacher asked.

"Er… exchange students… from… California… mmhmm…" I muttered, waving a hand.

Deidara sensed that an introduction was in order,"I'm Deidara, un!" he grinned cheerily and waved.

The girls who had just been waking up passed out again.

"Akasuna Sasori." Sasori said, crossing his arms but nodding politely to Mrs. Forster.

"Well, anyways… nice to meet you, Sasori, Deidara. Have you taken algebra before."

"N- ow!" a sharp elbow from Sasori shut up our favorite blonde bomber.

"Yes, we have taken the course before." Sasori said. Some of the weaker girls continued to swoon over his voice and looks.

"Good! You should be caught up, then. You two can sit next to Abby and Karin. Now…" she continued the lesson.

Karin still refused to look at me.

I flicked a note in her direction: _Are you pissed at me?_

She sent a subtle eye-narrowing and another note: _Yes. Yes, I am extremely pissed off at you._

_Are you even pissed off at Tobi?_

_I am pissed off at EVERYONE. INCLUDING TOBI._

I stopped sending notes. I was seriously scared for my life. If she was annoyed at Tobi… my life stood no chance. I would have to sleep with a knife.

After class, I looked at Sasori and Deidara,"Your names are too odd for this world… the others are gonna have to pick different names."

"But I like my name, yeah!"

"Whatev, Dei-kun. You and Saso-kun get to keep your names, but the rest have got to change theirs. Especially Pein-sama."

As if he was on cue, the rest of the Akatsuki came strolling into the building from the parking lot as if they owned the school.

Which, in all consideration, they probably did.

First came Pein, looking nice and sleek with his orange hair and piercings in a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt with a leather jacket.

Then, Konan, looking pretty damn fine in a white shirt and black capris.

Kakuzu managed to clean himself up pretty well, clothed in the actual school uniform.

Hidan… was Hidan, wearing a red shirt and jeans.

Itachi had pretty much every girl he saw swooning over him, clad in a pair of jeans and a tight-fitting black t-shirt. His typical Uchiha-smirk made even some of the guys look wide-eyed.

Kisame was wearing a football jersey and some jeans. He was smirking a little as well.

Tobi was still wearing his mask, and was also wearing jeans and an orange shirt.

And finally, last, but at no place or time least, was Zetsu. He wore a brown t-shirt and black slacks.

I had to clamp a hand over my nose to stop the nosebleed.

"…who are you guys?" a teacher asked.

Before Pein could even open his mouth, I was skidding over,"This is the rest of the exchange student group! Yeah!"

"Exchange student…?"

"Yeah, it was sorta top secret and spur of the moment… but no matter!" I giggled nervously, waving my hands around.

"…Right. What are their names?"

Again, before Pein could answer, I jumped into action,"His name is… Neil!" I pointed to the orange-haired man himself, coming up with the first name that came into my head.

Eye twitch.

There was a quiet snicker from Konan.

"She's, er, Sarah. He, the one in the brown t-shirt, is Max, and he has major… _issues…_ so let him take his pills, mmkay?" I continued, grinning weakly.

"The silver-haired dude is Tomas, he has Tourette's and is utterly obsessed with his god, so pwease excuse him, the tall football guy is Jim, the hot- erm raven man is Norris, first name Chuck, masked dude is Tobi, and yeah. Mmhmm." I nodded.

"So, no last names, save for Chuck… Norris?"

"…" I was most ironically saved by the bell. I dragged the Akatsuki to my next class.

At the end of the day, we all piled back into my car, which the janitors kindly fixed for me. There was, however, a Post-it note with a frowney-face on it. I turned it upside down and pretended it was a smiley-face.

Laura snickered at my pain when Karin smacked the back of my head when I dropped her books (yes, I was carrying her books to make it up to her) and left to get into her own car.

Amber waved bye to the Akatsuki and left.

I had a bad feeling Angel was going to try and stalk poor Deidara, so I put up my anti-fangirl visors. I heard a scream of dismay and thought that it was for the best.

Ella just slowly shook her head and drove away.

Laura ended up hugging Konan and then also walked away.

Maranda glomped me and Haku, and then went away in her car.

"Haku-kun! Will you protect me in my sleep?"

"…no."

"AW, COME ON! DAMMIT! Please…?" I gave him chibi eyes.

"…" I could feel his will beginning to dissolve under my big blue eyes.

"Pretty please?"

"…fine." the ice-nin broke, sighing.

"THANKIES!"

I pulled out of the parking lot a happier person.

**So, Karin's pissed, the Akatsuki came to the school… what now? An earthquake that brings the Sound ninja?**

***hint * THIS IS A SPOILER. * un hint ***

**Find out next time on S-Ranked Kittens!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Seeing as no one particularly cares about the Author's Note (I know, I know.), Imma take a break from answering reviews (Except: THANK YOU MIDNIGHT! I LIKE COOKIES! * noms on cookie*) and get right to this super-massive eleven page chapter. Mmhmm. YAYYY!**

When we got home, Karin stormed off to her room with her books and backpack, muttering about how she had to do homework.

I almost swore that Tobi looked sad for an instant, but Madara would _never_ show the weakness of looking _sad_. I hoped. That would just be creepy.

I was helped with my homework again, Haku being very helpful by watching my back for me. This was very useful, seeing as I had a bad feeling Karin assembled a sniper rifle out of ripped out textbook covers, our hefty Social Studies notes packet, and pencils. Lots of pencils.

"Haku-"

"No, Abby-chan, Karin-san is not trying to kill you for the last time!" he finally snapped.

"You don't need to be so meeeean! I'M JUST TRYING NOT TO DIIIIE!" I fake-sobbed.

Haku slumped slightly, rubbing his temples.

"Fine. Take a break," I muttered. "If I die, I'm blaming you." Cue pout.

Haku smiled brightly, and proceeded to leave.

"DAMMIT!" I howled. "WHY MUST HE SUDDENLY BECOME SO HEARTLESS?"

"He's always been that heartless. It just doesn't show." Zabuza said, chowing down on a big bite of caramel slathered popcorn.

"…wait, where the hell did you get caramel slathered popcorn?" I asked, zooming over to Zabuza.

"It was in your cabinet, little girl." he said, smirking.

"I'M NOT A LITTLE GIRL!" I screeched, voice going up an octave to claw out everybody's ears and stomping my foot.

"Suuuure you're not, un…" Deidara muttered.

"Shut up, Deidara."

"Jus' saying, hmm."

"I hate you."

"Many people do."

"See?"

"…now I feel unloved."

"Deidara, I have three words for you." I enunciated at the falsely pouting blonde.

"GASP! YOU LOVE ME, UN?" he yelled with chibi eyes, suddenly full of happiness.

"SCREW YOU." I poked his (finely-muscled) chest with a finger with every word.

"But that's two words- OW!" I punched his chest, leaving the blonde criminal on the floor.

"WHAT NOW?" I shouted before going back to my homework like a good little girl.

"You punch badly. Like a girl, hmm!" he said, glaring at me from the floor.

"Well, you're an S-Ranked criminal and didn't dodge that."

He didn't have a witty comeback for that. I smirked.

Tobi came down the stairs. I could practically feel the dejected waves flowing off of him.

"What's up, Tobi?" I asked as Kakuzu entered the room, counting his money.

"Karin-chan won't play with Tobi! She says she's very angry and she has a sniper rifle made of ripped up Science textbook covers, Social Studies packet pages and lots of pencils pointed at your head." he said, sitting next to me.

I shrieked and dove under the table, dislodging said Social Studies packet and making it land on my head in a flurry of white paper.

"I'M UNDER ATTACK! SAAAAAVE MEEEEE!" I yelled, pleading with the criminals congregated in my house.

Only Kisame and Sasori spared me looks from their perches on the sofa.

"HONESTLY! IMMA DIIIIIIE! AND YOU DON'T CARE!"

"We don't, not really." Kakuzu snorted.

"FUCK YOU! HEEEEELP!" I continued screaming.

"What is that noise?" Haku asked, poking his head through the doorway. "Oh, it's Abby-chan. Never mind." he left.

"WAH! HAKU-KUN DOESN'T LOVE ME!" I pretended to cry in hopes of getting attention from someone who would save me from the wrath of Karin with a makeshift sniper rifle.

After roughly ten hours (read: thirty seconds) of my loud noises and screaming (HOLLA!), I felt someone tap my shoulder," Abby-san…."

"ITACHI-KUN! YOU LOVE ME?"

"…" He stared at me oddly for a few seconds as I hugged him. "I was going to tell you that neighbors are starting to come out of their houses, and if you wanted to keep us a secret and not be embarrassed by them, to please shut up."

Completely ignoring what he just said, I looked up at the Uchiha with big eyes," Would you save me from Karin-chan, Ita-kun~ ?"

"…" He didn't even grace me with an answer, instead choosing to get up and dust off his knees.

I fell over, sobbing and clutching at his feet," I don't want to die! I'm only sixteen! You remember what it was like to be sixteen! You didn't want to die! No matter how effing depressed you were and also how equally depressing your back-story was, you didn't want to die! Not yet!"

"Hn."

"But you love me!" I wailed.

I almost swore that I saw amusement in his dark eyes,"Tch, I don't love you."

"BUT I AMUSE YOU! ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?"

"If you remain quiet for the rest of the night-"

"HOLLA!"

Itachi fixed me with a stare that would have made lesser women (and men) piss their pants. I merely mimed zipping my lips shut and then proceeded to shut up.

After a few seconds, Itachi seemed to be satisfied with my practiced silence and attentive look and continued," If you remain quiet for the rest of the night, I will volunteer some measures of protection for you."

I nodded furiously, grinning like a sugar-high Naruto who's found a drunk Sasuke.

Itachi nodded back at me, and then went back to sit next to Kisame on the couch, getting back into the football game that they had been watching before my intervention. Hey, intervention! Like drugs! THE AKATSUKI AND ZABUZA WERE DOING DRUGS WHILE WATCHING FOOTBALL!

After this astonishing revelation, I went back to doing my homework, scribbling furiously and getting ink everywhere. It smeared across the table, on the papers and on my face.

An hour later, I finished with my homework.

Remembering Itachi's promise, I whispered quietly,"I'M DONE!"

"Just in time!" Konan exulted. "I was trying to talk to Karin-chan, but she refuses to answer. But I swear I heard crying…"

I instantly felt bad. My very own sister was sobbing her pretty little heart out and I was just sitting her, tactless, doing my homework! What type of sister was I?

…a good one.

"KONAN-CHAN! LET US GO AND CHEER UP KARIN-CHAN!" I yelled, breaking Itachi's "Vow Of Silence". He glared at me, obviously annoyed that his master plan of keeping me shut up didn't work. I grinned and waved back.

"Okay! What are we doing, Abby-chan?" the blue-haired woman asked.

"…LET'S SING CHIQ… CHIQUIT… you know, that song from Mamma Mia! That Tanya and Rosie sing to Donna when she's all sad and in the toilet and we could even reenact it!" I grinned, astonished at my genius.

"Chiquitita! Of course!"

We ignored Hidan's snide remark of,"Isn't that a banana?" and went upstairs.

Like Konan said, I could practically hear the sobbing from Karin's room. My poor, poor sister! I could feel my heart breaking, and pain emanated from my very core-

Two voices piped up,"Abby, why are you crying?"

"Why are you being so fucking incest?"

"ELLA! HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?" I shrieked, pointing a finger at one of my best friends.

She sweatdropped and dangled a pair of keys from her index finger and thumb like L from Death Note," You gave me a set of house keys. AND I CAN BREAK LOCKS, ONNA!"

"You didn't answer my question…" Amber muttered.

"Because my poor poor sister is crying in her room all alone!" I yelled, putting a hand on my heart and feeling it break all over again-

"STOP THE INCEST!"

"…I think it's kind of sweet that she loves her sister that much…" Konan said, smiling.

"But not like that!" Ella gasped.

There was a scream and a not-so-masculine male yell.

"…that's Angel, I presume." I said, sweatdropping slightly.

"Mmhmm."

"Well… back to our song, Konan-chan!" I grinned.

Konan lifted me onto her shoulders, and we leaned on the door. I grabbed the very top of the door, staring in through the cracks like a stalker. Amber and Ella stared at us, looking slightly freaked out at the fact I was standing on Konan's shoulders singing ABBA.

I started the song,"_Chiquitita, tell me what's wrooooong…"_ I crooned (okay, not really. Jeez, tough crowd!) and tried my best to look through the door.

Konan's voice was, sadly, much more awesome than mine,_"I have never seen such sorrow…"_

We then started a slightly awkward, slightly dissonant harmony,"_Iiiiiiin your eyes,_

_and the math test is tomorrow!"_ We sang, me looking slightly freaked out at the last part. Shit, I still had to study for that!

"_How I hate to see you like… this,"_ Konan stared at my crying sister through the doorway, even as Karin ripped open a bag of… necessities… for, indeed, she was on her…

Okay, how to put this in case any guys are reading this…

Er…

On her menstrual cycle.

Mmhmm. That's foolproof! AHA!

"_There is no way you can deny it…"_ I sang, agreeing with Konan whole-heartedly. There were some things that you just didn't need to see. This was one of them.

We started a much prettier harmony,"_Iiiiiii can see, that you're so- AH!"_

Karin opened the door, slamming me and Konan against the wall. THUD.

"Ow…"

"Oh my God, Abby-chan! Are you okay?" Konan asked me, even as I hung winded from the doorframe. She had somewhat managed to survive the clash.

"I'm good…" I wheezed, coughing. "I'm alive…"

"Stop that caterwauling!" Karin wailed. "I'm angry and my stomach hurts! AND I NEED CHOCOLATE!"

Angel walked up the stairs with a sweet smile on her face," Here's some chocolate, Karin! By the way, Abby, Laura's chatting with the Akatsuki. Maranda's also there. Just to tell you!" she skipped away, presumably to try and make out with Deidara.

"How did these people get into my house…?"

There then was general panic and chaos as four figures shimmered into existence and landed on my floor.

One had white hair, one was wearing leather, one was furiously beating Level 872, and the last blasted a quarter-sized hole into my wall with a blast of ruby energy.

"MURTAGH!" I screamed, glomping the one who blasted a quarter-sized hole into my wall with a blast of ruby energy.

Sure enough, in all of his glory (read: ultimate insane hot and sexiness), Murtagh Morzansson had appeared. And I was currently glomping his muscular chest. I mean, seriously, the guy had muscles everywhere! Except, he wasn't the ugly guys who have the oversized muscles everywhere, it was still lean and oh-so-hot. Because he was Murtagh.

"Um… Matt, I don't think we're in Tokyo anymore…" the leather-clad said.

"Aw, come on! You just made me lose my level in Mario Kart! YOU FUCKING SUCK, MELLO!"

"Hello. I am Near. You girls are…?" the white-haired one said politely, holding out a hand. The other was busily twirling a strand of his hair around and around.

Ella's eyes went wide,"Whoa… hi! I'm Ella!" She then proceeded to hug Near, who stood there blankly and let Ella maul him.

Mello's eye twitched," Don't I get any recognization?"

"Of course you do!" Ella then glomped Mello, who stood for a couple of seconds and then was like "Oh, what the hell," and hugged her back.

Matt was busy playing on his Nintendo DS Lite, so Konan started to look and learn at the epicness of video games.

Murtagh was left to grapple with me," Whoa! Who in Alagaesia are you?"

"I'm ABBY! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN! I LOVE YOU~ !" I yelled, pressing my face into his chest.

Amber was staring wide-eyed at this spectacle," Whoa… this screams rape…"

"Rape?"

"Don't worry! I won't hurt you yet, Murtagh-kun!" I squealed happily, finally getting off of him.

The black-haired man looked at me warily, putting a hand to Zar'roc," I'm not so sure if I should trust you."

"You shouldn't! You don't know me yet! But I trust you~ !"

"What the hell's going on, un?" Deidara ran up the stairs (Angel attached to his waist in a hug) just in time to see me tackle Murtagh again in a giant hug. "Stop mauling that guy, Abby, un!"

"But… but.." I was desolate. Why couldn't I hug Murtagh? WHY?

"What's your names, hmm?" the blonde asked.

"I'm Murtagh Morzansson. Who are you?"

"Iwa no Deidara. Nice to meet you, Murtagh."

"I am Near. This is Matt and Mello." Near introduced himself and his comrades. Hey, I could so make a Communist joke out of that! Comrade Near! HAHA!

"I'm Amber."

"I'm Ella!"

"I'm Angel! Nice to meet ya!" the black-haired said, disentangling herself from Deidara's waist (much to his happiness).

Laura and Hidan came tumbling up the stairs," What's going on/ WHAT THE FUCK'S HAPPENING?"

"We were just sharing names! LOOK, LAURA, IT'S MURTAGH!"

Laura stared at me for a few seconds,"…good for you. I'm Laura."

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE?" Hidan screamed after a few seconds of staring.

"No need to be so fucking rude…" Mello glared, holding his ears. "I'm Mello."

"Matt. HAHA! Take that, Yoshi!"

"He's a tad obsessed with games…" I explained to the others. They nodded and shuffled up, the rest of the Akatsuki shoved up behind Hidan and Deidara and Angel.

"I am Near."

"Murtagh."

I then proceeded to introduce the Akatsuki, by both their real names and the names I gave them (because I could totally magically remember them. WHAT NOW?).

Mello had a good laugh over "Chuck Norris".

"So… what shall we do…?" I thought out loud.

"We're not going to do anything inappropriate." Amber glared at me as soon as my head snapped over to Murtagh.

I pouted," What? I was just going to ask him if he liked candy!"

"What type of candy?" the Rider asked, looking a little tired.

"Um.. MnMs!" I asked off the top of my head.

"What are these… M and Ms?" He looked positively _adorable _confused, my fangirl mind thought slash squeed.

"They're yummy colored candies with chocolate and- here, try some!" I grabbed a random bag out of my pocket, grinning manically. Ripping open the bag, I poured some into my own hand, flipping it and holding it over to Murtagh.

Murtagh stared at me for a few seconds, evidently deciding if it was poisoned or not. He apparently trusted me, because he hesitantly held his hand out. I poured the multi colored candy into his hand, smiling more and then leaning back, much to Laura's apparent amusement.

The red Rider stared at the candy, selecting a red one. He stared at the little white 'M' written on it, and then shrugged, popping the candy into his mouth.

Silence.

"How is it, un?" Deidara said, making me yelp. He had moved right next to me without me noticing. Goddamn ninja.

The man's silver eyes glowed in love- for the candy in his hand. I felt slightly disappointed in a morbid way. "It's amazing!" he poured the rest into his mouth, and then smiled at me. I felt slightly mollified.

"YAY!" we cheered.

"Hold it… where'd Karin go?" Haku asked.

"Whoa!" the deep voice of Madara yelped, making my eyes go wide.

"Hohsnap."

I pushed my way past hot Akatsuki members, dragging Kisame with me as protection.

Karin was glomping Tobi in the kitchen," I'M SO SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOUR NEVER DYING ETERNAL LOVE FOR ME!"

Madara sent me a desperate look, Sharingan glowing even more desperately," Yes… Tobi loves Karin-chan… can Karin-chan let go of Tobi now?" his voice squeaked, seeming fairly freaked out and rather high pitched, even for Tobi.

"OF course not! I love Tobi-kun too much to ever let gooooooo~ !" she sang out, hugging the masked man tighter.

"Sorry, sweetheart, you're screwed." I said kindly to Tobi, before skipping away to the funny sounds of Kisame's roar of laughter.

"Hey, Murtagh. Heads!" I chucked the bag of MnMs at him. He caught them, smiling again at me.

I may have swooned slightly and may have almost fallen down the stairs if it hadn't been the presence of Angel, who grabbed my arm.

"So… what shall we do?" I asked her, taking hold of the stair-rail.

"…um…" she pondered this deep question a few seconds. "I pick Karaoke."

"WOOHOO! WHO WANTS TO PLAY KARAOKE?"

Everyone cheered, even Murtagh. We were already breaking his shell! YAY! Well, yay for me, the hopeless fangirl. See, unlike Karin and Amber (who's hopeful Naruto guy slash sweetie would be Gaara), I accepted the fact that I was a Murtagh fangirl. We DID belong together. Murtabby. That's just the cutest shipping name EVAR.

Back to the story.

Even Pein magically re-appeared as we all stampeded back to the living room for a game of karaoke.

"So, basic rules, if you're good, you're good! If you're bad, get the hell off the stage! Er, in front of the karaoke box! Do we understand?" a suddenly happy Karin yelled, pumping a fist in the air. Tobi was breathing normally again. I laughed at Madara's pain. What? It was insanely funny to watch an S-ranked criminal who was going to try and put the entire world under a permanent Eternal Tsukiyomi by becoming the Jinchuuriki of the Ten Tailed Demon which was sealed in the moon getting glomped and otherwise humiliated by an overly tall sixteen year old girl who wasn't even a ninja.

"I'll go first!" Ella volunteered.

"Woooooooo!" Hidan, the quote unquote normal people that were originally from this world, myself, Karin, Haku, Mello, Murtagh and Konan cheered. The rest just sort of moseyed around, clapping or nodding to her as they did this… important maneuver in the world of the USA and humans. Yeah.

Ella took a stance with the karaoke mike, grinning hyperly at us all.

The music started and I began to laugh my ass off. Everyone stared at me (minus Murtagh, who was still chowing down on the nommy nommy candy that I had given him) oddly.

I waved at them.

Ella then had a spazz,"Hey, everybody's looking at me! I love it when that happens! HI EVERYBODY!"

Zabuza stopped the music as Ella decided to go on a rant about how cool it was to have all of the Akatsuki and also the coolest Death Note characters and Murtagh from the Inheritance Cycle at my and Karin's house.

Yup. It was pretty awesome.

**And now, because I don't feel like writing the karaoke right now, the chapter ends with 3030 words. Without any of the Author's notes. If anyone (Except for habu hyuuga, Katarina Wolffe and evil-tea) can tell me where Ella's last line came from, YOU GET A COOKIE! XD**

**I will update soon, my dears. Very soon.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Aw… no one got the reference! Ah well, you ALL get cookies, because Ren-chan is such a nice authoress! YAY! I even dragged in some various anime characters to do the disclaimer and stuff! Again, because I'm too lazy to look at reviews (although, thank you and a hug to all of those of you who decided that you wanted to review this story!) I'm not going to answer any, but know that you have my undying gratitude because you reviewed! I want to get to at least 400 by the end of the year! Spread the word like Nutella to all of your friends!**

…**I thought that was funny. SO LAUGH! XD**

**Anyhow, this is probably only going to be about a thousand words. No more super-sized chapters. Unless I get serious inspiration. I mean, seriously. It's been like, a few years since I last updated. * melts into puddle of fail ***

**And ideas would be much loved. Yes. Because even though Ren-chan is genius (I mean, honestly! I don't have any pre-planned ideas! I sit here and type what comes into my head!) she still needs help from her lurvely reviewers. **

***drags in said anime characters ***

**England: WHY DO YOU MAKE ME COME INTO A BLOODY NARUTO FANFIC WITH DEATH NOTE CHARACTERS? HONESTLY, WOMAN!**

**Murtagh: Don't ask her that. She's already going to try and rape me.**

**Me: *staring at Murtagh and giggling evilly ***

**Murtagh: *goes white ***

**England: *pats Murtagh's shoulder * This madwoman doesn't own Naruto, Death Note, Hetalia, the Inheritance Cycle, or any songs that occur in this chapter. Luckily.**

**Ichigo: Wait… what the hell am I suddenly doing here? WHERE'S THE MESO GRANDE?**

**THANK YOU AND COME AGAIN!**

After Ella's spazz ended, it had been an hour. The sky was swiftly darkening, and we only had a few more hours to play karaoke.

"Alright, are you going to sing, or no?" Pein finally broke.

"Um… singing. What is this singing? IT SOUNDS MARVELOUS. WILL YOU SING?" Ella squealed, effectively changing the topic of the conversation.

Pein sweatdropped, shaking his head so rapidly I was afraid he'd get whiplash,"I'm fine, thank you."

"BUT! BUT! WITH SIX BODIES, YOU COULD TOTALLY DO "LOLLIPOP" BY THE CHORDETTES!"

"OMG! ELLA! YOU'RE A GENIUS!" I shrieked from my position of creepily attempting to nuzzle Murtagh's neck. He was on high guard, and constantly inching towards Mello, who looked rather sympathetic.

…OMFG. I NOW KNEW HOW BELARUS FELT.

After my amazing squiggly interlude, I started giggling and fell over, sobbing with laughter on to Laura's shoulder.

She stared at me for a couple of seconds, and then pushed me over,"I think your crippling insanity has finally gotten to you."

"GAHAHAHAHAHA! IT'S SO FUNNY!"

"What?" Amber asked, leaning over as I pounded the floor with my face, still managing to laugh.

"THE SKY IS BLUE!"

"…"

Everyone stared.

Pein took this as his cue to sit back down. Angel glomped Deidara. Karin apparently agreed and glomped Mada- err, Tobi.

Yeah, Tobi. He was TOTALLY COMPLETELY Tobi. Tobi with Sharingan.

Yeah.

Completely legit.

After squiggly interlude numero two, I stopped wheezing with laughter and decided to go sit on Itachi's feet.

"Okay, then. Anyone want to do karaoke? Anyone?" Haku asked.

"Why don't you sing us something?" Maranda asked, tilting her head slightly.

"…Um, no thanks. Hey…. Hidan-san."

"What now?" the Jashinist griped, lounging on the sofa.

"Sing us a song." Haku chucked the mic at him.

"THE FUCKING FUCK? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO SING SOME HEATHEN SONG?"

"…because. Now, Hidan, you wouldn't want to disappoint these nice people, would you~ " Haku grinned, and there was sudden killing intent. My eyes widened and I jumped up off of Itachi's feet to go hide behind Murtagh, who's face was like O.o and everyone else was like O.O WTF?121111 except for Matt who was like -.- MUST BEAT NEXT LEVEL. And Near, who was like "I am impassive".

"…Haku… you're doing it again…" Zabuza muttered, looking slightly freaked out.

"What?" Haku asked, without losing his scary look.

"T-the look…"

"Oh. OH." something clicked and then Haku was back to his normal, happy self.

I let out a whimper and buried my face into Murtagh's back.

HOLY SHIT, HE SMELLED REALLY GOOD!

…Right. Ahem.

Murtagh slowly inched away from me again as I desperately glomped him, rather shadily sniffing him.

Laura sweatdropped,"Now, Abby, how about you sit over here. I have Skittles and manga~"

"SKITTLES!" I screamed happily, detaching myself from my love- err… friend. Yes, friend. Friendly friend. Friendly friend with benefits.

…

Yeah. Let's just leave it at that, eh?

I grabbed the Skittles bag out of Laura's hand and contentedly nommed on them, hunching over onto the couch.

"You're sitting like L." Near pointed out.

"And you're eating candy like L." Mello said, nodding his head.

"…I'M L! OHMAHGAWD, THIS IS FRICKIN' FLANTABULOUS!" I screeched, doing a happy dance and almost kicking Laura. She glared at me and moved away. I pouted.

"So, Hidan. How about humouring us…?" Haku smirked. Everyone got blue lines of depression on their faces.

"…FUCK! FINE! I'LL SATISFY YOUR CREEPY LITTLE FETISH!"

The Jashinist got into a more singing-friendly pose, and clicked "Play" on the karaoke machine.

I grinned as the beginning of "Don't Fear The Reaper" played.

Amber snickerd,"I actually know that song!" she leaned against the couch.

"COWBELLS!" Ella, Angel and Karin harmonized.

Everyone's eyes widened at how good Hidan actually sounded while singing,"_All our times have come,_

_Here, but not there, gone.."_

"Holy crap, Hidan can actually sing!" Kisame yelped, half-grabbing on to Itachi for support. The Uchiha gave him a deadpan look and extricated his arm from the blue man's death grip.

"…this is odd…" Maranda muttered, edging towards the door. "…I gotta go. SAD FACE." she made a run for it. No one blamed her, seeing as Hidan now had his scythe out and was _crooning_.

"_Seasons don't fear the reaper,_

_nor do the wind, the sun or the rain…"_

"_We can be like they are…" _Kakuzu chimed in helpfully. Hidan gave him a glare.

"_Come on baby…" _The Jashinist continued.

Kakuzu kept his quiet harmonizing,"_Don't fear the reaper…"_

"_Baby take my hand…"_

"_Don't fear the reaper…"_

"_We'll be able to fly…"_

"_Don't fear the reaper…"_

"_Baby, I'm you man…." _ they sang together, grinning.

By this point, everybody had fallen off the couch or their chairs in disbelief that the two could actually sing AND work together without attempting to kill/incapacitate/maim/otherwise injure or hurt the other, except for Itachi, Mello, Murtagh, Near and Mello, who were either too goddamn stoic to EVAR fall off a couch or just plain didn't know how the duo never seemed to get along.

I just ended up smacking my head against the floor and Deidara stole my Skittles.

Ass.

"SASORI DANNA! H-HE STOLE MY SKITTLES!" I whined, pointing at Deidara and pouting.

"HA HA, UN! PAYBACK!"

"GIMME BACK YOU-!"

"OW! THAT WAS MY EYE, UN!" 

"TAKE THAT, BITCH!"

We had a fight.

Hidan and Kakuzu kept singing.

I got my Skittles back! YAY!

Deidara scowled as he rubbed his head. I had given him a noogie to let my Skittles escape his death grip of doooom, and now his pretty blonde hair was all messed up.

…

Ha. Take that, fucker! 

There was then an ominous glow in the air, and electricity crackled around my head.

Everybody stared.

Ella giggled and got swirly eyes,"Shinyyyy…."

Gollum popped out of nowhere and yelled,"MY PRECIOUSSSS…."

Murtagh smited Gollum with his sword in all of his ultimate hotness.

Gollum went and died in a hole.

Murtagh smirked sexily.

Matt went back to his game.

Karin poked the electricity and got zapped.

Tobi patted her head.

Near sniffed, rubbing his nose.

Mello failed epically in an attempted murder attempt against Near.

"_Don't fear the reaper…." _Hidan crooned again, holding the microphone close to his chest.

Murtagh pulled a bag of MnMs out of nowhere and starting chowing down.

Murtagh offered me a MnM.

"OOH! M N M!" I jumped at the opportunity, grabbing the MnM and dragging Murtagh down with me.

"Nooooo…." he complained, and then went silent as I sat on him.

…NO! NOT LIKE THAT, YOU PERVS! I'M WAITING UNTIL WE'RE MARRIED MARRIED MARRIED!

Damn… I really know how Belarus felt…

There was then an odd tremor in the earth, and the four men that had appeared a few hours previously disappeared.

There was then absolute silence.

Konan's eye twitched.

"NOOOOOO! MURTAGH!" I screamed in agony. "I HADN'T EVEN GOTTEN AROUND TO RAPING YOU AND YOU DISAPPEEEEEAAAAR!"

Everyone stared.

I sobbed.

Zetsu cautiously patted my shoulder. I latched onto him, crying hysterically, Gai-like rivers of tears flowing down my face.

"…un." was Deidara's eloquent response.

"Oh, Abby-chan! It's okay!" Haku melted from his formerly heartless self and glomped me, sandwiching me between him and Zetsu.

Heh heh. Manwich.

I giggled pervily.

"**GET. THE FUCK. AWAY FROM ME."** Zetsu's black half said scarily. His white side smacked the black side. The black side slapped the white side. I was let go as Zetsu started a bitch-slap war with himself.

"HAKU-KUN!" I cried, hugging Haku who started crying with me.

"ABBY-CHAN!"

"HAKU-KUN!"

"ABBY-CHAN!" 

"Where the hell are we?"

"…" Everyone minus Haku, myself, and Pein, who was watching and snickering to himself, turned to stare at the newcomers.

IT WAS THE SOUND FOUR- ER, FIVE.

"…" Kimimaro gave a blank stare.

"Well, people? Where the hell are we!" Tayuya screeched.

Jirobou and Kidomaru were doing some odd handgame that looked suspiciously like patty-cake, and Sakon/Ukon were watching.

"…Hi. I'm Karin. This is my house." Karin said in a monotone, reaching out a hand.

"…is this the goddamn AKATSUKI? WHAT THE FU-" 

"Hey, you cuss too, bitch?" Hidan interrupted, smirking creepily. Tayuya took one look at him and hid behind Kimimaro.

"…trash…" I heard his quiet mutter and abruptly jumped up.

"KIMIMARO! OH MY GOD!"

"…" I saw his green eyes narrow, and a bone sword was suddenly pressed to my throat,"How do you know my name?"

"BECAUSE I LURVE YOU~"

"…okay then." he took away the knife and let me glomp him.

"WHOA! KIMIMARO'S SO COOL!" Ella yelled. "EVEN THOUGH ABBY'S RAPING HIM!"

"I AM NOT RAPING KIMIMARO!" I yelled, glomping him further.

"…of course you're not, honey."

"STOP BEING SO GODDAMN CONDESCENDING!" 

"…"

"…eh, I'm guessing you guys know who we all are?" Pein asked, sweatdropping slightly.

"Yep."

"So we don't have to bother with introductions?"

"Yep."

"Except for those girls?"

"Yep."

"…you guys are really creepy, talking in unison like that."

"Yep."

"…whoa…" 

"Yep."

"…OKAY! STOP 'YEP'-ING!" Pein yelled, hiding very manlily behind Konan.

"Ye-"

"SRZLY!"

"LOL"

Zabuza was kind and did introductions," The one hugging Kimimaro-san is Abby, the one who greeted you was Karin, the black-haired one is Angel, the brunette sitting next to Sasori-san is Laura, the one who yelled how cool Kimimaro-san was is Ella, and the deadpan one is Amber. Maranda skedaddled a few moments ago."

"…SKEDADDLED. OHMAHGAWD, I LOVE YOU." Tayuya pressed herself uncomfortably close to Zabuza, who looked freaked out.

Haku's eyes narrowed, and the Killer Intent was back in black," GET OFF MY MAN… BITCH."

"OVER MY DEAD BODY… BITCH."

"THAT CAN BE ARRANGED…. BITCH."

They then got into a catfight.

Haku was pulling Tayuya's hair, and she was desperately trying to claw at his eyes.

"RAWR! YOU WHORE!" 

"SHEMALE!"

"GODDAMN MANEATER! DON'T EVER TOUCH MY MAN AGAIN!"

"HE'S NOT YOUR MAN!"

"OH YES HE IS!" 

Sakon/Ukon snickered and started humming "Friday Night Bitch Fight" by Ke$ha. Jirobou and Kidomaru joined.

"GASP! IT'S THE BARBER SHOP TRIO!ONE!1!" Ella pointed dramatically.

Artemis the cat rubbed against Kimimaro's leg, muttering something about how catfight was *such * a derogatory term.

Zabuza coughed, shifting next to Kisame, who patted his fellow Swordsman's arm sympathetically.

"Well, then." Itachi tactfully changed the subject.

"How about that art?" Sasori asked.

"FLEETING." Deidara popped up from his seat by Sasori's legs.

The redhead glared at him,"ETERNAL."

"FLEETING, UN!" 

"ETERNAL!"

"FLEEEEEEEETING!"

"EEEEEEEETERNAL!"

"…EEEEEEMOTION?" I piped up over Kimimaro's shoulder.

"…" they both glared at me. I meeped and hid back behind the solid wall of Kimimaro-ness.

"I'm gonna get some popcorn, and maybe some Fig Newtons." Karin stated calmly, getting up. Her PMS seemed to be gone.

"Ooh! Me too! And a banana, so I can be like Mr. H!" Ella yelled happily.

"YAY! MR. H!" Amber said, swinging her legs.

"MAN THONG." we heard an insult that was Haku to Tayuya.

"EW! MR. H IN A MAN THONG!"

Everybody screamed and died at the idea of Mr. H in a man thong.

Karin recovered and got up, promptly stubbing her toe on the threshold between rooms. She fell over, rolling around in pain,"OW! SON OF A BITCH!"

"…" everyone, even the fighting pair, stared at her.

"WHAT? I STUBBED MY GODDAMN TOE!" she rawred, going chibi for a moment.

"AW! POOR KARIN-CHAN!" Ella helped Karin up. "I HATE WHEN I FALL!"

"…don't we all?" Laura quipped rather sarcastically.

"Don't be mean…" Ella pouted.

"Hold it… was that sarcasm?" Amber asked, tilting her head.

"YES. YES IT WAS."

"Was THAT sarcasm?"

"…"

"Jeez! Don't dot me!" 

"Heh… that sounds wrong." I snickered. I was STILL hugging Kimimaro, and he was hugging me back.

Yay! I had a new pillow!

"LET'S GO! KA-RA-OK-E CHALLENGE!" Haku yelled.

"BRING IT ON!" Tayuya screamed back. "WHOEVER WINS GETS ZABUZA!" 

As the lights dimmed and the spotlight shone on Haku, I faintly saw Zabuza's face go green.

Heh. Poor sucker.

**AHAHAHAHA! THAT ONE WAS OVER 2000 WORDS! WHAT NOW?**

…**okay. I'm still sorry I haven't updated in forever! BUT I HAVE FINALS COMING UP THIS WEEK! AHHHHH! **

**AND REN-CHAN NEEDS IDEAS!  
**

**GIMME IDEAS. NAO.**

**Thankies for all of you who have reviewed, Story Alerted, Favorited, and Author Favorited! You all ROCK!**

**And all of you, the ghost readers! Don't lurk anymore! You can have your input! And you can also snipe at me to "UPDATE YOUR OTHER STORIES, DAMMIT!".**

…**yeah. : )**


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